Monarch
A beheading here, a declaration there, how hard can the whole ruling-over-the-masses thing be? Plus, there's always the possibility of having your face on your country's currency if you do a good job, which is a heck of a lot more motivating than Free-Bagel Wednesday.
Bikini-model greaser
The eight-hour erection caused by being elbow deep in hot oil and boobies all day might get a little annoying, but it's nothing a cold shower can't cure. You'll also be hip to next season's swimwear.
Beer taster
What's better than proudly displaying your gut as a badge of honor, impressing young lassies with your extensive knowledge of hops and barley, and boozing it up while your buddies are schlepping to their dead-end nine-to-five gigs? We'll let you know when we can think of something.
Knight at medieval times
There's nothing like beginning your day with a friendly joust among coworkers and ending it by savagely ripping meat straight off the bone with your bare hands. And those corset-wearing ladies are unbelievably hot. 
Video game tester
You already play Halo like it's your job, but this profession would allow you to write off all that Mountain Dew on your tax return. 
Porn reviewer
This one is pretty self-explanatory, but it's also a great example of getting paid to do something you already do regularly. But remember, money shots are like snowflakes: no two are alike, so you'd have to take care to grade them fairly.
NFL fourth-string quarterback
A six-figure salary in exchange for warming the bench for a couple months a year? These guys are truly the unsung heroes of our generation. Peyton Manning can have his ring and his glory. We'll just take the cash, thanks.
Machine gun tester
It might not say John Rambo on your paycheck, but that isn't to say that you wouldn't feel like a modern-day warrior driving home from the shooting range every day. Additional perks? The collective fear of your friends and colleagues, of course. 
Hamburglar
Juicy, delicious hamburgers all day, every day, if you can elude the watchful (and ridiculously creepy) eye of Ronald McDonald. The mask-and-cape combination is pretty sexy, too. 
Life coach
Scream something in someone's face with enough authority and they're bound to listen to you eventually. If you're convincing enough, you might be able to get your subjects to do your laundry by the third session.
Snapple fact maker-upper
Do pandas really consume two tons of bamboo in one sitting? That would be for you to know, and for the rest of us to continue not caring about. You could also use this shining opportunity to get tight with the Snapple lady. 
Con man
You've probably been dreaming about becoming a fugitive since before you developed motor skills, so it's not hard to imagine life on the other side of the law being pretty sweet. But as for bail money, you're on your own, dude.