In a devastating discovery, a British teenager discovers she is in fact a…LOHAN!
Is there a more fucked up American family than the Lohans? I mean, sure, probably somewhere across this great land of ours there are more fucked up families. But they don't have the perpetual glare on the spotlight on them. Which is why we really feel for 17-year-old Ashley Horn, who discovered on the Trisha Goddard show that she is Michael Lohan's secret love child.
On the bright side (and we're trying really hard to find a bright side), at least she has no relation to Lohan's estranged wife, Dina. Plus, this could make for a fascinating sociological experiment. After all, now that Ms. Horn knows Michael Lohan is her father, is she predisposed to a lifetime of substance abuse, tabloid shenanigans, and legal troubles? And, Ashley, wouldn't you rather NOT hear this news, even though your mother had long insisted that Lohan was your father? Ignorance is bliss, and now you may be cursed. Not that Ashley wants anything to do with the crackpot clan, saying, "I don't want to be part of the Lohan train-wreck." Can't say we blame her, but good luck Ashley. You're going to need it.
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