Like, nationally stupid, not just what your cousin posts every day.
Photo: Xebeche/ iStockphoto.com | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2013
Facebook is the brilliant social media innovation that lets you “like” articles on the Internet (like this one!), share photos with friends, and constantly measure just how unpopular you are when nothing you post gets any likes or comments (yet for some reason Brad gets like 40 likes just for posting some shitty photo of a soda he’s drinking with some stupid caption like, “lol what school did Dr. Pepper graduate from lol.” Fuck you, Brad). Anyway! Lots of fun things happened on Facebook this week. And by “fun” we mostly mean “criminal” or “stupid.”
Hot Iron Burns Child, Babysitter Facebook Messages Parents
We don’t have a doctorate in babysitting (just a University of Phoenix masters), but it’s a solid guess that if the child you’re watching gets his face burned with an iron, you shouldn’t take that kid to a parade after a quick Facebook message to the parents. 9-1-1, a phone call to the parents, a telegram to UNICEF…there are probably like 10,000 more appropriate methods of communicating that, again, a kid’s face was burned with a hot clothes iron.
Hardcore Conservatives Rip Off Bioshock
A few days ago, The National Liberty Organization, a conservative group dedicated to making people scared of immigrants, started throwing up posters with such winning slogans as, “For God and Country – It Is Our Holy Duty To Guard Against The Foreign Hordes” on its Facebook page. Strangely, these posters didn’t appear like they were sloppily designed in MS Paint by your racist grandparents to be forwarded in chain emails. In fact, the NLO was totally co-opting messaging and images from blockbuster video game Bioshock Infinite…which satirizes exactly the kind of philosophy the NLO espouses. If there was an irony Olympics, this just won gold.
Facebook Makes Woman Walk Off Pier
When checking your Facebook updates on mobile, remember to keep your head on a swivel, because you just might end up walking off a pier like this Australian Woman. Yes, Facebook can literally turn you into a bad sitcom gag.
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