Do: Run any <a href="http://www.iowalum.com/STAT/events/nnm/" target="_blank">Nearly Naked Mile</a>- ...or equivalent semi-nude fun-runs. Hey, it’s for charity, dude!
Don’t: Run the Nearly Naked Mile with clothes on. - Can’t you read?
Do: Buy an <a href="http://www.iwatchz.com/" target="_blank">iWatchz</a>. - These straddle the style/techy barrier mightily by allowing you to carry an iPod Nano on your wrist at all times.
Don’t: Buy a 3D TV. - A bonged-up Spongebob Squarepants session will be just as good in 2D.
Do: Buy cardigans. - They’re the most versatile sweaters known to man - they can be worn with a T-shirt, a regular shirt, skin, anything! Well, almost anything.
Don’t: Wear sweater vests excessively. - "Carlton Banks" is not a good nick-name to have for four years.
Do: Keep it simple with the sneakers. - Vans, Chuck Taylors, maybe Jordan V can go a long way towards completing your look.
Don’t: Wear running shoes...- ...unless you’re, y’know, running.
Do: Buy a decent amount of long sleeved flannel/plaid shirts. - They’re cool, classic and, even better, warm. What? Not everyone goes to school in Miami, brah!
Don’t: Spend all day wearing it in a coffee house, reading Camus. - We don’t care if you are in Seattle, it’s not 1992!
Do: Wear fitted jeans.- They won’t make you look like you’re smuggling grapes, while at the same time they won’t expose your probably-could-have-used-a-wash-this-semester boxers.
Don’t: Go crazy on super skinny jeans...- ...especially if you don’t have super skinny legs. Jeans are made of Denim, not spandex.
Do: Get a trim, a shapeup, or something for your hair. - A clean cut can never steer you wrong.
Don’t: Do something wacky like getting a Mohawk...- ...or shaving “Thug Life” into your head. It’ll be funny for a couple minutes, then you’ll just be “that dick who got the Harry Potter lightning bolt shaved onto his head” for the next six months.
Check out the winners of Maxim's Crappiest Haircuts Contest
Do: Buy paper bowls. - They’re good for cereal and for covering smoke detectors.
Don’t: Do anything that would actually require the smoke detector to <i>work</i> after covering it (like falling asleep with a still-lit fatty in your mouth).- It will fail because you covered it. You will die. In Heaven, everyone will laugh at you and you won’t have a good time.
Do: Have some scruff.- You don’t want girls at parties questioning your age.
Don’t: Have a handlebar mustache. - That’s for hipster douchebags and the French (who, handily, all fall into the former category anyway).
Do: Wash your hair after you spent the night before puking because you thought it was a good idea to down the last of the Goldschlager. - Trust us, the kid sitting behind you will appreciate it.
Don't: Go overboard with the cologne. - Yeah, girls love it when you smell good, but not when they can taste it while standing next to you.
Don't: Try to bring fanny-packs back in style.- Just don't do it.
Do: Keep your facebook profile set to “Friends Only”. - You will have approximately 20 million photos taken of you during your time at college, and exactly three of them will make you look like you’re not a drunken criminal.
Don’t: Friend request every single person you met at the party the night before
Do: Splurge on good alcohol...- ...even if only to wake up without feeling like your eyes are being hammered out the back of your skull with a mallet.
Don’t: Buy anything with the word Hawkeye or Five O’Clock in the name.
Do: Remember to keep your phone charged...- ...or you’ll end up either lost, stranded or, worse, not able to get the phone number of the hot girl who’s just reached the stage where she wants to do insanely dirty things just to rebel against daddy (oh, college, we miss you). Carry around back-up power in this tiny, USB-stick sized Cell Drive – you won’t regret it.
Don’t: Use it to call your parents from jail.
Do: Go to <a href="http://blog.ratemyprofessors.com/" target="_blank">RateMyProffessors.com</a>.- Decide which classes to take based on the ratings you find there.
Don’t: Tell your professors you do this. - For some odd reason, your grades always slide down a notch after they’ve seen their reviews.
Written by John Lonsdale, Brian Josephs, Amrisa Niranjan, Veronica Rosario, Jolie Clifford, Julianna O’Malley, and Emily Luppino
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