We’re tired of the same old holiday schmaltz, bring on the crazy.
(Photos: Spencer Rowell / Getty Images & Desiree Navarro / WireImage | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012)
From Bob Hope to Blake Shelton, celebrity holiday specials have been around longer than Ralphie and his Red Ryder BB Gun. However, the formula is starting to get stale around the edges: we do some Christmas songs, Frosty the Snowman jokes, shout out to the chosen people, and maybe some holiday-themed magic. We think it’s time to up the ante. Here are five celebrities we’d like to see holiday specials from.
A man so wild that he merits his own channel on TMZ is long overdue for a holiday shindig. Just imagine Gary inviting you in, pouring you a nice glass of whiskey mixed with black nail polish and truth serum and have him drop some of his Busey-isms on you: “Fear stands for ‘False Evidence Appearing Real.’ It’s the darkroom where Satan develops his negatives.” Happy holidays, you guys.
Who likes to spread cheer more than the Donald, especially when that cheer comes in the form of insane narcissistic ramblings and desperate public attention grabs? The average special would feature the host making a gesture to the underprivileged; maybe Trump could pie some poverty-stricken children in the face? If all else fails, the deranged billionaire can demand that Santa reveal his college records in true super-villain fashion.
We’re going to assume that they have Christmas in Australia and that it has something to do with koalas pulling a magic surfboard while sunburnt Santa distributes vegemite to all the good billies. That being said, everyone’s favorite Aussie would do a bang-up job hosting a heart-warming holiday special. That is, if your heart-warming holidays usually include the host screaming foaming-at-the-mouth, bigoted drunken nonsense at the top of their lungs for hours on end. That’s good viewin’, sugar-tits!
Although we saw a little more of the Hulkster than we would have liked to this year, we would still be thrilled to see “A Totally American Christmas, Brother” starring Hogan. Matches with the Nature Boy Ric Flair and Stone Cold Steve Austin (chugging eggnog, of course) could punctuate 30 to 40 minute-long stretches of Hulk flexing to ‘80s-style holiday jams. He could even bring in the kids for some family time, we wouldn’t mind. Really, we wouldn’t.
The golf giant couldn’t hold himself together when he had a wife who looked like this, so just imagine what he would do with a special on national TV. Yeah, this is definitely one we’d like to see - just put the kids to bed first.
To check out some weird thing Brits do on Christmas, go here.
Or, to see some girls wrapped up in bows, go here.