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5 Dong-Shaped Spaceships

Traveling to a distant star? Why not do it in a penis.

Ever notice that sci-fi art designers enjoy the shape of a dong? You will now. Here are the five spaceships that look like they’d be more appropriate traveling through a tunnel than through hyperspace.

5. Blue Origin’s Next Generation Space Vehicle

Photo Courtesy of | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012
This is a real prototype ship, imaginatively named “Space Vehicle”, designed by private entrepreneurial space group Blue Origin. Apparently it will have 100,000 pounds of thrust. Thrust. Heh.

4. The Eagle Transporter – Space: 1999

Photo Courtesy of ITC Entertainment | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012
The British have a long-standing tradition of putting dongs on TV (i.e. Piers Morgan, Ricky Gervais) and hiding dongs in popular entertainment. The Eagle – from short-lived 70s show Space: 1999 - had a curiously phallic nose, but the rest of it looked like a dildo built by a lonely robot whose only understanding of sexual relations were the words “penis” and “multi-speed industrial cake whisk.”

3. The Event Horizon – Event Horizon

 Photo Courtesy of Paramount Pictures | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012

In physics, an event horizon is the outer edge of a black hole. So we have a dong-shaped spaceship that’s looking for a large hole, huh? Subtle, Hollywood. Subtle. The above pic is of the ship's bulbous head. Stop staring.

2. The Discovery One – 2001: A Space Odyssey

Photo Courtesy of Warner Brothers | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012
Very, very boring people like to say things like, “You should watch the last half hour of 2001 on acid!” These people are idiots: the whole point of taking acid is that you can stare at the back of a chair for five hours and find it fascinating, thereby negating the need for wordless, imagery-laden psychedelic light shows. Instead of this foolishness, why not just contemplate the dongtacular majesty of the Discovery One? It’s just as likely to give you a nasty flashback at an inopportune moment.

1. Hordak’s spaceship – The He-Man & She-Ra Christmas Special

 Photo Courtesy of Mattel | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012
Ok, this one’s actually a helicopter, but COME ON!