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5 Suggestions for the Inevitable Government Shutdown Porn Parody

Because face it, political gridlock makes some people hot.

Porn has been parodying movies ever since the 1903 hit Le Voyage to MY Moon, but only recently has the porn industry taken a crack at some of the bigger political stories of our time. In the past few years porn companies have presented sexy takes on some high-profile political headlines with such films as Anthony's Weiner (based on the Anthony Weiner scandal), The General Goes All In (based on the 2012 David Petraeus scandal), or the one that started it all, Who’s Nailin' Palin (as it turned out, in this particular flick, more than half of America was). So one would assume that, as the current biggest story in Washington, the government shutdown is bound to receive the proper adult film treatment. To get the ball(s) rolling, we came up with a few suggestions…

 

 

Reaching Around the Aisle

Reaching Around the Aisle is about two hot, young Democrat and Republican representatives who sneak off into a Congressional broom closet during recess to pass a couple of motions (if you know what we mean. You do know what we mean, right?). However, things slow down about five minutes in, when the couple tries to negotiate the specifics of the encounter. It all becomes a catastrophic mess as the half-clothed representatives try to agree on who will pleasure whom with what, where, and how many times. After about 55 minutes of this, the only resolution they can sign off on is something called a 96: A back-to-back, lose-lose sexual maneuver that benefits neither party, leaving both of them feeling embarrassed and kind of stupid.

 

Government Slut-Down

Sure to raise your ceiling, Government Slut-Down is the tale of a lonely Washington housewife whose inattentive husband spends all day away at work, leaving her feeling emotionally unfulfilled and physically unsatisfied. Left all by her lonesome, she has no one to connect with but the occasional delivery and cable-repair men who stop by from time to time. Whatever is a girl to do? Lucky for her, her husband has recently been furloughed from his government job. He’s home now, and as a result, their relationship has never been stronger. The housewife and her husband spend the entirety of the movie cuddling on the couch in their sweatpants, catching up on last season of Homeland on their recently repaired cable box over a pizza (that for some reason came with extra sausage).

 

Boehner 435

This one is pretty much what it sounds like: Just John Boehner getting systematically gang-banged by every single member of the House of Representatives. The best part is you could probably cast Boehner as himself, since the guy clearly has some fetish where he gets off on taking abuse from fellow representatives. Plus, he has a pretty spot-on porn star tan as it is. The only danger would be getting sued by C-Span for copyright infringement.

 

Debbie Does Nothing

This smutty film is about a young, barely-legal college coed who has just started her internship at the White House. Unfortunately for Debbie, the government shutdown has drastically affected the White House internship program, and she's forced to return to Ohio State for the remainder of the semester. The experience leaves Debbie frustrated and jaded, realizing her dream of a meaningful career in government was naive and stupid. Debbie finishes her degree in communications and pursues a steady yet dissatisfying life as a wardrobe assistant for a production company that makes infomercials.

 

Congress F%@#s Everyone

This one would come out of the Japanese porn industry, because it would require special effects so complex they could only come to life through the talent of a Japanese porn animator, and a story so weird and twisted, it could only be conceived of by a Japanese porn animator. Basically, nuclear disaster hits Washington, D.C., during Obama's State of the Union Address, turning the entire House into one giant, sex-crazed tentacle monster. The beast proceeds to screw every single citizen of the United States at once. Oddly enough, barely anybody protests and the tentacle monster continues to get paid as normal.

 

 

Check out 6 Things You Should Know Before Entering A Small Penis Contest, or 6 More Appropriate Names For Strippers