Sick of trying to get in shape? These guys figured out how to get the most out of their treadmills.
This Sock-Wearing Goldfish Crackers-Eater
We like to think that right before this was taken, a 300-pound shoeless garbage man had done a real grueling 30 minutes on this machine, and that those Goldfish Crackers were plain salted in the packet but intensely cheesy once they entered that guy’s mouth. We like to think that, because sometimes we mess up the timing on our medication.
This Formerly Narcoleptic Librarian
If anything, sometimes it seems like the Internet is too full of female librarians who used to suffer from sleeping disorders and like to dance and clap on a treadmill next to a plasma screen showing people in Venezuela while playing creepy music.
This Crab (Which Is Not A Person, But Hey)
This science experiment is enhanced by about 1,000 percent when you play the sounds from this video at the same time.
This Dance Dance Revolution Maniac
You know who’s worse than this girl? Nobody. Nobody in history is worse than this girl. Ever.
This Really, Really Bored Nerd
This evil little geek hooks us right in when he says, “Hopefully people won’t think I’ve edited this video or something.” Jeez, what’s he gonna do? Cough up a parrot? Teleport? Turn into a ham? Oh man, we’re so exited! What is he going to – oh. He does absolutely fuck-all impressive. Dick. Well, still better than running on it.
These Pastry-Eating Japanese Game Show Contestants
What do you mean, you don’t understand what’s going on here? It’s simple: The contestants have to run faster and faster on a treadmill in a school to collect and eat four small snacks and reach the end zone or else a big banner that reads ‘F2’ is dropped and they’re jetted into a pool and then have to roll in a pit of salt. Next question, stupid?
This Upsettingly Hypnotizing Slinky (Also Not a Person. Shh. We Know)
A team of naked cheerleaders could walk into our office right now, start wrestling in a pool of Jell-O and dollar bills, set fire to our pants, throw our computers against a wall, sprout tentacles, steal our wallets, and take our dads out to dinner, and we still wouldn’t be able to take our eyes off this video. Look at him go! Over and over and over and over and…