As Oscar Sunday draws nigh, we’re celebrating some of the world’s less prestigious, more stupid awards. Just kidding—there’s nothing more stupid than the Oscars.
Inspired by the famous 1992 case in which Stella Liebeck sued McDonald’s after she was burned by a cup of coffee she’d spilled in her own lap, the Stella Awards honor “real cases of greedy opportunists, frivolous lawsuits, and the law run amok.” Sadly, the awards have been inactive the last several years, but perhaps they’ll consider reviving them when they find out that we’re suing Alcohol—no particular brand, just alcohol in general—for everything that’s wrong with our lives.
Bad Sex in Fiction
This gem is the brainchild of British magazine the Literary Review, and it’s pretty much what it sounds like: A not-so-coveted prize for the author who pens such unspeakably bad sex scenes, they deserve special acknowledgment. Luckily, the award is reserved for fictional writings, so you’re in no danger of being nominated just for regular old bad sex.
Ig Nobel Awards
A parody of the Nobel Prize, the Ig Nobel honors the world’s dumbest scientific achievements. But because the awards are sponsored by Harvard, to describe them as “dumb” would be too vulgar, so they prefer to say that the awards are bestowed for “achievements that first make people laugh, and then make them think.” Past winners include a brassiere that can quickly transform into a protective face mask, which does in fact make us laugh and then think…about how we’re ever going to be able open one of those one-handed while intoxicated.
Foot in Mouth Awards
A British award honoring the year’s dumbest statement by a public figure. Recent winners include Mitt Romney, Silvio Berlusconi, and President George W. Bush, who had the distinct honor of earning a Foot in Mouth Lifetime Achievement Award upon exiting office in 2008. Don’t worry, Joe Biden: You’re next.
Stinky Shoe Award
The Stinky Shoe Award began in 1975 as a way to drum up business for local sporting goods stores, but somewhere along the line Odor-Eaters got wind of it, and began sponsoring the event. In addition to the sheer pride that comes with being the world champion of foul-smelling shoes, the victor also receives a $2500 cash prize—which will buy you just enough meth to think entering this contest was a good idea in the first place.
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