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Andrew Dice Clay, Nas, and More Celebs Rule The World For a Day!

Well, actually, they just tell us what they would do if they did. Same difference.


Lili Simmons
Everyone would get pizza and no one could fight, everyone would be at peace with each other and only say nice things to each other. It would be amazing; everyone would be happy. I should rule the world.

Chris O'Dowd
If I ruled the world for one day, I would have a lot of time to masturbate.

The Iron Sheik
I let everybody know I am the legend and I make sure the children happy because the kids are the heart for me. And, beat the fuck out of the Miami Heat.

Mark Hamill
Turn all Republicans democratic. I don’t know. I’m just so frustrated with the gridlock in this country and it seems to me that the opposition party is able to control the agenda in a way that we never envisioned when they made up the rules for this country. I should be benevolent and say that if I ruled the world for a day, I would raise the salary of every teacher in the world. There’s a lot of unfairness and it bugs me. But you know, I’m not a political pundit. That’s not really what I do or what I should do. It’s like, “Pipe down, Hamill! Nobody needs to know what you think.”

Trevor Moore
I would get rid of all the sharks, get rid of all the bees, and I would make it that babies have to go on a completely different airline than everybody else.

Kate Upton
Give up control, because I really don’t want to rule the world.

I’d give a billion dollars to the hood.

Joe Rogan
Legalize all drugs and then figure it out. It’d be much easier that way.

Andrew Dice Clay
Make everybody shut off their fucking phones. I can’t take it anymore. It’s just too much.

Fred Armisen
I would make all stores and all businesses open 24 hours a day, all restaurants, 24 hours a day. I live in New York City and when I walk into a restaurant and it’s closed at 10 pm, it is unacceptable. I don’t understand things being closed - post office, everything should be open all the time. Subway routes, travel, there should be flights in the middle of the night. Everything should be 24 hours, everything. I want to run my errands at 1 o’clock in the morning!

Check out our interview with Lewis Black and This Week In Funny Tweets