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Funny

Ask Maxim: December 2011

Answering all the questions
you never knew you had
(and some you did).

What does it take to be a
spy at the CIA?

In order to be the next Jason Bourne, you need a little bit more than the ability to run as quickly and handsomely as Matt Damon. A 3.0 GPA with at least a bachelor’s degree is a must, and an interest in international affairs will help. Degrees of interest to the agency include business, economics, and biological or chemical engineering. Though most movie spies work alone, candidates for the real CIA are required to work well in a group. To top it all off, you must go through two personal interviews, thorough medical and psychological examinations, a polygraph test, and an investigation into your personal history. And if all that hasn’t totally ruled you out, there’s also a drug test. Way to harsh our mellow, CIA!

Do animals get bored?
Would you be content just sleeping, sitting, and eating all day? Of course you would, duh. But you’d get stir-crazy if that was your whole life, right? (Yeah, still probably not.) Kristen Collins, an animal behaviorist with the ASPCA, confirms that pets definitely get bored: “Many common pet behavior problems stem from chronic boredom.” So how can you help? Collins suggests you “take your canine buddy (and chick magnet) for a hike.” Good idea! Or: “Teach your cat to walk outside on a harness.” Terrible idea!

Does tapping the top of a soda keep it from blowing up?
According to Ed Meyer, chairman of the Baldwin Wallace College physics department, yes! “If there are bubbles beneath the surface of the beverage when the pressure is released, the carbon dioxide in the solution will diffuse into the bubbles, forcing the drink out the top.” And then: boom! Tapping the top of the can or bottle releases bubbles from the sides and toward the top, where they’re harmless. Unless you’re allergic to bubbles—then you’ll die. Thanks, science!

What do I do if my eyeball pops out?
Brian Bonanni, M.D., of Gotham Lasik explains how to pop the peeper back into its socket.
1. Use a saline-soaked gauze pad to hold your escaped eyeball.
2. Avoid touching it with your fingernails. You’ll scratch it and make things worse, dummy!
3. Hold your eyelid wide open and gently press your eyeball into its socket.
4. Go to the emergency room, if you can see it.
5. The eyeball is attached to the bone structure of your face through nerves, muscles, and
fibrous tissues, so if you want to try this, make sure the guy swinging a bat at your head is really strong.