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Ask Maxim: May 2011

The truth about truth serums, bursting bladders, and weenie shrinkage.

Is it possible for your bladder to actually burst?
John DeGraff Milwaukee, WI

According to Robert Thompson Jr., M.D., a urologist at Baltimore’s Mercy Medical Center, the answer is yes! Though it really happens only with significant trauma, not because you’re afraid to pee in a stranger’s house. “When you break or fracture your pelvis, a piece of bone may perforate the bladder,” says Thompson. “There are also instances where pressure on the bladder—because it’s blocked for some reason—can cause problems.” Thankfully (we guess?) this rarely ends in a “burst” and more typically results in “leakage.” Yeah, gross.
Even in a no-pee scenario, like a first date or if there are monsters under your bed and you won’t make it to the bathroom, your body has a fail-safe guard against bursting—it can reabsorb urine. Yuck. Why do you people ask us these things?

70 = Percentage of women who like the taste of beer…and have no problem sleeping with you on a first date, according to an OkCupid study. Only 37 percent of non-beer-guzzlers feel the same. Finally, the beer sciences are getting their due!

Not-so-dumb Question of the month: Why does my weenie shrink in cold water?
Sam Thoth Germantown, PA

As body parts that dangle, the boys are particularly susceptible to cold. Frostbite, or “dickbite,” is no joke, so keeping warm is a big priority. The closer your twig and berries get to your torso, the toastier (safer) they are. Our solution? Swim in warm water and have a huge dong. We can’t stress having a huge penis enough. It really helps.

May 3 is Japanese Constitution day. So read about it!
I. It was written by five Americans during their occupation after WWII. Only one spoke Japanese.
II. It was signed by Emperor Hirohito on November 3, 1946 and contains 103 articles.
III. Article 9 denounces war and states that Japan must never maintain any land, sea, or air force.IV. It guarantees fair trials, yet the Japanese conviction rate is more than 99 percent.
V. Article 18 prohibits slavery, but it's okay to enslave someone as punishment for a crime. Seriously!

Dumb Question of the Month: Is there such a thing as truth serum?
Gerald Falk Memphis, TN
Sorry, pumping your bros full of Sodium Pentothal will not make them reveal where they hid your insulin. But don’t go into a diabetic coma just yet! While Sodium Pentothal (or another barbiturate) won’t force someone to tell the truth, it will make them feel awesome. So awesome they might open up about WMDs or our missing Ho Hos. (Seriously, you guys, it’s not funny. We’re really hungry.)