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Ask Sheik! The World’s Greatest Advice Column [1/27/14]

Every week, we’re giving you the opportunity to ask the legend that is The Iron Sheik for his advice. Girl trouble? Job trouble? Someone attacking you with a steel chair trouble? He has answers for everything! You may not like his answers, but he has them…

All answers appear unedited exactly as given by the Sheik, so if you have issues with some of the spelling, take it up with him. WE DARE YOU.

 

I have some of the most annoying work colleagues ever. How do I deal with them without losing my job?

Brian Kennedy

Brian bubba you do your job best so you impress the Kennedy McMahon. Also you tell them to go fuck themself in your mind.

 

Got any advice for a chilli-eating contest?

Mick Knowles

Bubba, you eat the chilli. You %10000 wear the diapers. You shit your pants worse than the Paula Deen. You be ready in case you become biggest chilli eat jabroni like the Tito Santana.

 

How do I get my girl to stop nagging without using the sleeper hold?

Jose Moledo

Bubba the lady don't fucking show you the respect you suplex her and you tell her get the fuck out of the car take a fucking walk. You are the legend. Not her.

 

How do you avoid pissing yourself while on a radio show?

Paul Christopher Michel

Bubba you dumb bitch Paula Deen jabroni? First you do the business second the pleasure. You drink to much before the job you not professional. You go bathroom first or you piss on the Paula Deen face.

 

Raccoons keep getting into my trash. How do I stop them?

Emily Donaldson

FUCK THE RACOONS. BUBBA YOU TAKE THE FUCKING POISON YOU PUT  JABRONI CHEESEBURGER THEN THEY EAT THE CHEESEBURGER THEY BECOME MICHAEL VICK DOG.

 

Will man ever understand women?

Juan Daniel Luna

Never.

 

A jabroni has been talking to my girl and she says they are just friends. I know who the guy is, so should I confront him and A) Break his back and make him humble? B) F him in the ass and make him humble? C) Ask him politely to be humble? or D) Dump the girl and make her humble?

Shawn Gubala

BUBBA. YOU DO A B AND THE D. FUCK THE C.

 

Since you guys asked so many, we’re also including a few of your wrestling questions. Because we’re nicer than you deserve.

 

How do you feel about the Ultimate Warrior getting inducted into the WWE hall of fame?

Gina Frescott

Ultimate Warrior. He have the sex for the money. He put the steroid in his ass for fun. He paint his face like fucking clown. He never respect the other wrestlers. He fuck with the company. He never show people the respect. Now he go to Hall of fame? He go to hall of fame for low life piece of shit raisin balls cocksucker and one day he go to hall of fame of hell. I don't like him. I don't respect him. he never pay for his due. This way I don’t give a fuck. He make my company money. They know best. Fuck him still.

 

Sorry this is a 2 part question. Will you be main eventing against Cena at Wrestlemania 30 ? If so will you shut his damn mouth and fuck him up?!

Benjamin Joseph Richard

I love the new generation. The Jon Cena the real. He one of best new genaration. The Iron Sheik good forever. Jon Cena know if he ever fuck with me I could break his fucking neck, but he respect the legend. That way I love him forever.

 

Got a question for the Sheik? Send it to win@maxim.com with ASK SHEIK in the subject line. Set yourself a reminder with the Iron Sheik Alarm Clock app, or humble yourself with some other Iron Sheik merchandise.

 

Check out The Iron Sheik Wants To Make A Documentary...About Himself. Are YOU Going To Argue With Him? Or read The 5 Best (And Worst) Wrestling Finishing Moves, As Chosen By Chris Jericho