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Ask Sheik! The World’s Greatest Advice Column [2/17/14]

Every week, we’re giving you the opportunity to ask the legend that is The Iron Sheik for his advice. Girl trouble? Job trouble? Someone attacking you with a steel chair trouble? He has answers for everything! You may not like his answers, but he has them…

All answers appear unedited exactly as given by the Sheik, so if you have issues with some of the spelling, take it up with him. WE DARE YOU.

 

I keep going to the gym and lifting weights, but I’m not getting any bigger. Advice?

-Todd Myers

First bubba Gym excellent but if you eat the cheeseburger ass and the mcnuggetts than you fucking waste your time. Gym half good but food half just as good. You work on the stomach than the legs than you eat the good food you be ok bubba.

 

What’s your hangover cure? Please hurry, I’m dying.

-Ben Wolff

FUCK THE HANGOVER. I go A to the Z every fucking day 24 hour 7 day. You cannot handle the party than you are big time pussy jabroni you can go fuck yourself. Real man no how to party and live like the legend.

 

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?

-Bill Hamilton

FUCK THE TOOTSIE POP. TOOTSIE POP BIGGEST JABRONI CANDY IN THE WORLD

 

What is one guaranteed way to win an arm-wrestling match?

-Samantha Gordon

You break the motherfucker arm with Greco roman arm bar than you take him and suplex him on his fucking head.

 

Sheik!!! Do you like other Sheiks like me???

-Sheik Akbar Milanid Muhammad

I am the real Sheik. Other Sheik good if they respect the legend. The Duncan Sheik know I can break his fucking neck but still I like him he ok.

 

Who is the greatest member of the Wu-Tang Clan?

-Paul Ledoux

I love the Wu Tang. I meet them at my manager stag party. The Gza know I am the real. I love them all because they respect the legend and I respect them.

 

Tell me how to grow a mustache like yours.

-Alain Huet

Every hundred year mother make baby like Iron Sheik. My mustache most real in the world. I take care of my mustache not like the Paula Deen take care of her mustard ass. I respect the mustache that way the mustache respect me.

 

Since you guys asked so many, we’re also including a few of your wrestling questions. Because we’re nicer than you deserve.

 

Iron Sheik thanks for the memories. I enjoyed watching wrestling with my late grandfather in much simpler times. Is there one single match that stands out in your wrestling career?

-Allan Medin

Thank you bubba. I love you forever you say this to me. I always remember the boot camp match with the Sergeant Slaughter. We were hottest thing in the wrestling and we both play good American and I was Iranian hostage. We steal the show every night and that way I always remember what I do in this match. God bless you remember me.

 

What do you think of the Chris Jericho? Is he Iron Sheik class?

-Simon Jones

Chris Jericho good show man. He good on the microphone. He play the music not like that howdy doody guitar player Hulk Hogan. He play the real music and he know how to work excellent wrestling match. But Chris Jericho know I am the teacher of the Bret Hart. He know I know the Alberta Canada and if I want I could beat the fuck out of him break his fucking neck. But I like him and he respect the legend. Have a good day

 

You can get more of The Iron Sheik’s words of wisdom on Twitter and Instagram.

 

Check out last week's Ask Sheik, or read The Iron Sheik Wants To Make A Documentary...About Himself. Are YOU Going To Argue With Him?