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Ask Sheik! The World’s Greatest Advice Column [2/24/14]

Every week, we’re giving you the opportunity to ask the legend that is The Iron Sheik for his advice. Girl trouble? Job trouble? Someone attacking you with a steel chair trouble? He has answers for everything! You may not like his answers, but he has them…

All answers appear unedited exactly as given by the Sheik, so if you have issues with some of the spelling, take it up with him. WE DARE YOU.

 

I am looking to have the intelligent party. What temperature do you suggest I serve the beers?

-Daniel Callahan

Don't insult the legend. Only coldest coldest beer I drink. You put in freezer than you put in the bucket of the ice than your beer the real. otherwise you have jabroni Michael Bolton party and I never respect you.

 

How do I make my housemate stop being late for paying bills?

-Rap Game Papa Slam

Bubba you have the Virgil roommate. They don't take care themselves you tell them to take a fucking walk and you break his fucking neck. He don't pay than you show him you are not jabroni.

 

Who would you want to box in celebrity boxing?

-Mass Funkhouse

Bubba. I beat the fuck of the Chris Brown and the Michael Bolton in the handicap match. I break both their fucking legs put them in cancel clutch make them humble.

 

Which bad habit does The Bieber need to kick first? Xanax, weed, Smirnoff Ice, egg-launching, or speeding? Maybe another?

-Rick

Bubba. He baby. He not man. He don't have the moderation. He need to learn how to be A To the Z. This way he never learn how to be legend unless he respect the legend rule. For now he need to learn how to have tic tac balls be now the man.

 

Do you believe in unicorns?

-Bianca Lee Mondino

FUCK THE UNICORN

 

I am starting to get old. How can I stay the real like Iron Sheik?

-Alec Dinwoodie

In your mind you old. The real people live forever when they think the young. That way you never get old.

 

Sheik, I need to write a paper about the French Revolution for my history class. What do you think of Robespierre, the leader of the revolution who eventually also led the bloodthirsty reign of terror? I need a thesis. Keep being the legend!

-Frank Cristelli

FUCK THE FRENCH REVOLUTION. WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT. THE ROBESPIERRE I NEVER FUCKING HEAR HIS NAME HE IS NEVER IRON SHEIK CLASS HE FUCKING JABRONI CLASS.

 

Since you guys asked so many, we’re also including a few of your wrestling questions. Because we’re nicer than you deserve.

 

What do you make of today's WWE Divas? Can any of them ever be Iron Sheik class?

-Eddie Mack

divas work hard. They get the training from #1 company WWE. They try best to be best. My friend the Jimmy Snuka daughter I see her grow. She work hard she love the business. I be happy she one say become champion like her father.

 

When I start wrestling, I'd like to use one of your moves to honor the legend. Can I use the Camel Clutch?

-Nick Diener

Bubba only one Iron Sheik only one camel clutch. I love you he happy you use my move to make you superstar. Best for you still you want to be champion you need you be you have your own finisher. That way you become your own legend. This way you respect the legend and you respect yourself. You become legend and I be happy.

 

You can get more of The Iron Sheik’s words of wisdom on Twitter and Instagram.

 

Check out last week's Ask Sheik, or read The Iron Sheik Says "Go F**k Yourself!"