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Ask Sheik! The World’s Greatest Advice Column [2/3/14]

Every week, we’re giving you the opportunity to ask the legend that is The Iron Sheik for his advice. Girl trouble? Job trouble? Someone attacking you with a steel chair trouble? He has answers for everything! You may not like his answers, but he has them…

All answers appear unedited exactly as given by the Sheik, so if you have issues with some of the spelling, take it up with him. WE DARE YOU.

 

What can I do to make a good first impression with a potential boss during a job interview?

—Carl Schafer

Bubba you work hard yoi so training you live your job. You show your boss you the real. But if you lazy cheeseburger ass your boss smell you have the dog shit breathe. You always respect the Kennedy McMahon and then he always respect you.

 

Why is Justin Bieber still alive?

—Steve Puchovan

You ask excellent excellent question. He have the tic tac balls and he get too fucking excited he don't know how to handle the moderation. He smoke and he drink. To me he big time jabroni. He die he never be Elvis class. Fuck him for now.

 

Which wine should I serve with chicken kiev, Sauvignon Blanc or Pinot Grigio?

—Russell Beleski

Bubba. Both wine good. But if you are the man you drink the cold beer or go fuck yourself.

 

Where can I get a pair of those shoes, bro?

—Ken Munroe

Bubba. You never be Iron Sheik. You never have the balls to you wear my boots. Still I love you forever.

 

What's your recommendation for the perfect first date make-out music?

—Patrick Schissler

Oh well bubba first date happen long time ago for me. I married. But new generation you listen to the Rob Thomas or the Action Bronson you he happy. But if you listen to that mcnugget tits Bette Midler I never respect you.

 

Why does people or the world keep on passing me by???

—Manuel Molina

Maybe because you are dumb son of a bitch jabroni that look like grasshopper dog shit.  Or maybe because rest of world don't know you are the legend. I don't know you so I don't give a fuck I tell you. I leave it to you bubba.

 

How can I make Katy Perry be my girlfriend?

—Omar Lucero

Bubba. Excellent question. Simple answer bubba. 1 you have the money you have the sex like the bill Clinton. 2 you sing music like the lady rob Thomas. 3 you pretend you give a fuck about movie the notebook you cry than she like you. If you don't have the sex with the Katy after that than you can go fuck yourself

 

Since you guys asked so many, we’re also including a few of your wrestling questions. Because we’re nicer than you deserve.

 

What is the best way to solve a 'Paper Champ' problem?

—Dee Jay Tetro

Paper champ never fucking real world champ. You fucking slap the fucking mosquito dick paper champ with your backhand and then that dumb bitch finished.

 

Sheik...how do you answer the accusation that even in death, Macho Man says he can take you?

—Jake Blutarsky

The Randy one of my best friend in the business. I miss him I love him. He excellent performer. One of the best. But shooting wise he know and everybody know I could beat the fuck out of him make him shit his pants break his fucking neck suplex him on his head never make him walk again. Still I love him and miss him forever.

 

You can get more of The Iron Sheik’s words of wisdom on Twitter and Instagram.

 

Check out last week's Ask Sheik, or read The Iron Sheik Wants To Make A Documentary...About Himself. Are YOU Going To Argue With Him?