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Ask Sheik! The World’s Greatest Advice Column [3/10/14]

Every week, we’re giving you the opportunity to ask the legend that is The Iron Sheik for his advice. Girl trouble? Job trouble? Someone attacking you with a steel chair trouble? He has answers for everything! You may not like his answers, but he has them…

All answers appear unedited exactly as given by the Sheik, so if you have issues with some of the spelling, take it up with him. WE DARE YOU.


My boss is an ass kissing back stabber. I think I should shove a stick up his ass. Your thoughts, oh great one.


THE BOSS PAY YOU YOU NEVER CROSS YOU BOSS. BUT if he not looking the sand in his car he buy new one and then you buy him coffee and you take michael Bolton shit in it.


How do I shave my back? Is it possible for a guy to shave his own back? I recently became single and would like to know if they make an extra long razor or an attachment that would enable me to shave my back. By the way my girlfriend was a pain in the butt.

-Wooly Craig

Bubba you want to be iron sheik class you always have somebody shave your back for you. I always have the stooge work for me I am the master I make anybody shave my back. I always shave my head by professional bubba. You need the professional you your jaborni girlfriend see you are the real Iron Sheik class.


What was your opinion about this year’s Oscars?

-Omar Lucero

Bubba Oscars not too good not too bad. The Ellen my friend she do good job. The Pharell wear hat of the Jacque Rougeau but still I respect him. The Precious look like the fucking Barney.  All so so. But my movie The Sheik come out soon. You watch you see the legend the real Best Movie best actor forever.


Who was the first real Bubba in your life?

-Ryan DuVall

#1 bubba for me the Freddie Blassie. I love him. he teach me the classie he teach me how to be the real forever. I love him I miss him.


Will my penis ever reach 10" long, oh wise one?

-D.J. Dodson

Fuck your penis. Fuck your ass. I am real man. I don t give a fuck about your penis. You don't need big dick you need big balls to be world champion.


How can I stop being boy shy?

-Tori Segura

Bubba, you need the cold beer you need to relax. You need to have the cardio. You need to look good. you need to not be stinky ass. You put yourself together you become queen. Otherwise take a fucking walk you are worse than the Bette Midler


Should I call in sick to work tomorrow?

-Lee Brown

Bubba you have tell them your wife die. They be happy.


Since you guys asked so many, we’re also including a few of your wrestling questions. Because we’re nicer than you deserve.


What do you think about Hulk Hogan hosting Wrestlemania XXX?

-Georgia Prima

Hulk Hogan he know I break his fucking leg I make the world news but I let him be the hulkamania. Now the 30 year later he still famous like Iron Sheik. I say no problem. If he want to fuck with me I break his fucking leg put him in camel clutch make him humble


What's more painful, the Camel Clutch or Jimmy Snuka's Surfboard?

-Genghis Grim

Camel Clutch best finishing move forever. I break anybody neck and back with my camel clutch. Jimmy splash good. he look good he fly. But shooting wise I can beat the fuck out of that jabroni any day. Still I love him


Got a question for the Sheik? Leave it in the comments below! You can get more of The Iron Sheik’s words of wisdom on Twitter and Instagram.


Check out last week's Ask Sheik, or read The Iron Sheik Says "Go F**k Yourself!"