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Attack of the Oompa Loompas

Just one more thing to worry about in the modern world.


Photo Courtesy of Paramount Pictures

Little people are famous in Hollywood for having some serious attitudes - Elf, Game of Thrones, Purple Rain - but according to Willy Wonka they’re docile little humans just like us (minus the incessantly creepy singing and orange complexion). Unfortunately, two guys in the UK have fucked up the characters' sweet-dispositional-game by assaulting a man while decked out in costumes reminiscent of the chocolate factory workers. A mouth-full of truth, defilement, and childhood nightmares come true.

A 28-year-old Norwich man was found with two black eyes and multiple facial cuts after leaving a kebab shop right before the New Year. Confronted by two orange-faced, green-haired men dressed in "hooped tops" similar to those featured in the classic '70s film, this poor guy - who we're hoping was so hammered he thought they were a friendly new species upon arrival - embarrassingly got his ass kicked while two additional non-costumed accomplices watched. Police continue to look for the violent, orangey culprits.

At least you can bask in the glory of being able to listen to this annoying song without the traumatizing flashbacks that will forever plague the victim of the Oompa Loompa beatdown.



Reporters Falling in Snow
I'd rather see some girls...