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Barnacles Are The Perverts of the Ocean

With sex tape evidence!

Photo by Thomas Vilhelm Jørgensen/Getty

A group of researchers from the University of Alberta recently got up close and personal with some barnacles — those crusty things that leach onto boats and whales and guys named Bill — and learned that they're total freaks between the sheets, er, ships. Let's discuss.

First of all, their dongs. They're huuuuuuuge. In fact, relative to body size, barnacles have the biggest penises in the animal kingdom. Because they spend a lifetime stuck in one spot, their generous endowment lets them bang more barnacles. And to make sure they have an even greater reach, they literally shoot their sperm into the ethers and hope that somewhere, somehow, some horny barnacle is scooping it up and shoving it into her barni-vadge to make barni-babies. The researchers call this a "shoot and catch" system. We call it "Japanese porn."

You can watch the hot barnacle action in the video below. Don't worry, it's SFW (unless you work with teenage barnacles).

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