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Best-Worst Real-Life Graduation Speeches

The good news is, high school is over. The bad news is, you’ll have to sit through several hours of listening to your peers spew nonsense before it's official.

 

Speeches for Dummies

This grad used the podium as an opportunity to flex her ventriloquist skills (whatever that means). The audience seems about as amused as you would expect after realizing that the most qualified speaker in the graduating class is apparently a plastic dummy.

 

The Empire Strikes Back

This guy’s entire speech is about Star Wars, and how The Empire Strikes Back is all about high school. He’s either brilliant, or totally comfortable with never getting laid.

 

Boxers or Briefs?

This dude strips down to his skivvies during an impressive pre-speech entrance. Something tells us that he wound up being the most popular guy in his fraternity. And rehab.

 

Looking for Sex

“Oh man, please don’t let me say ‘looking for sex’ instead of ‘looking for success’ in the last line of my graduation speech. What? I already did? Oh, fuck.”

 

 

It’s a Rap

Try not to be overwhelmed by crippling third-party embarrassment when this kid - who looks like Screech Powers – walks up the podium and proceeds to deliver a rap song about his high school experience. Including a mention of 9/11. Mad awkard, yo.

 

We Da Best!

In this 2008 high school grad speech, the valedictorian shows that it IS in fact possible to reference Soulja Boy, Barney the purple dinosaur, and Einstein in the same breath. At the end, he thanks several classmates and family members, including his 9-year-old son. Nothing weird about that.

 

 

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