Here are some other wrestlers who should get themselves pets immediately.
We’ve always kind of assumed that former NFL player and heavyweight wrestling champion Bill Goldberg refers to his penis as “The Jackhammer,” but who knew he was actually so good at naming stuff? It’s unclear whether he bought a goat specifically just to name it “Goatberg,” or whether he just happened to buy a goat and, after hours of pained brainstorming, suddenly leaped from his seat, suplexed a passing mailman through a hedge, and screamed, “That’s it! That’s it!! Fucking GOOOAAAATBERRRRRGG!!” but we’re choosing to believe the latter. Either way, though, it’s nice to know that having a career that revolves entirely around having other large people smash into his head hasn’t affected his ability to come up with amazing animal-based puns.
In the interest of continuing to make the world a more fun place to live, we demand to see the following wrestling pets right now:
- The Vietnamese Pot Bellied Pig Show
- Cat Hennig
- Ric Flairdale Terrier
- Chris Jericow
- Rowdy Doggy Piper
- Jimmy Snukadoodle
- Andre The Giant Schnauzer