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Boning In The Hospital

Thanks to China, hospitals are no longer for the sick - they're also for couples trying to procreate.

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A Chinese hospital located in the city of Wuhan recently opened up an exclusive sex ward for couples trying to have a baby. Furnished not unlike a '70s porn set with red lamps, a variety of sex toys, adjustable beds (just in case you forget you're in a hospital), and pictures of nude people getting it on, it sounds more like a horny love lounge than a fertility center, but hey, we'll take what we can get. Obviously, we wholeheartedly support the concept (until the resulting kids get old enough to irritate us on public transport, at least), and in honor of this momentous occasion in hospital history, we came up with three more medical wards that should be installed in health facilities around the world:

VIP Pooping Ward
With heated toilet seats, airplane-style video screens with multiple TV and movie selections, extra-soft toilet paper, and a mini-library so you're fully equipped for a night on the john, finally your chronic diarrhea can go about its business in peace. Also, a dictionary so we can remember how to spell "diarrhea".

VIP "I'm Sick But Don't Want To Eat Mashed Potatoes" Ward
Sure, you may have a gaping head wound, but your mouth is still fully functioning! You want to eat real food, not mystery hospital mush. With the invention of this ward, you'd get a personal high-end chef ready to cook you anything you want, whenever you want it. And then, if we're struggling, Alicia Silverstone can show up to feed us like a baby bird. Actually...scrub that last part.

VIP My Wife Is Having A Baby Ward
Maybe your lady-friend is about to go through the wonder of childbirth, bringing your shared genes into the world in one magical, shrieking package. Now, you may be totally cool with seeing that, and if so, more power to you. But if you're the squeamish type, visit this ward for for a full selection of good Scotch, high quality tranquilizers and whatever else you need to cope with that bellowing, demon-possessed thing in the room down the hall that's screaming that she wants to cut your balls off to avoid ever going through this hellish nightmare again. Alternatively, you could always just pop nextdoor for a vasectomy and get it out the way early.

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