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Breaking: People Like Booze When Watching The Big Game

As you'd expect, the Super Bowl is on a lot of people's minds this week, but not in the way you might think. According to data provided by Yahoo!, while "Super Bowl 2013" was the most searched game-related phrase, the second most searched - beating out such strong contenders as "Super Bowl Predictions" and "When is the Super Bowl?" - was, in fact, "Super Bowl alcohol ban."

It's not surprising. If there's one way to cause a shitstorm as a public official, it's threatening to remove alcohol from an event that most people are only excited about in the first place because it's an excuse to get wasted - imagine, say, a ban on booze at New Year's, or anyone trying to stop the Czechs from celebrating the fact that it's Tuesday by drinking methanol-laced moonshine. San Francisco Mayor Ed Lee discovered this the hard way last week when he suggested that bars and restaurants should withhold from serving hard liquor during the Super Bowl in an effort to prevent potential riots. Now, after the Giants' World Series win last year that saw Frisco go completely fucking bugnuts (and really, if they start setting things on fire after winning, imagine what they'll do if they lose?), it's understandable that Lee wants to impose some measure of control over his unruly citizens. But we're realists here at Maxim - we know for a fact that there are two guaranteed ways to start a massive riot, and one of those is to take people's booze away from them. The other, incidentally, is to give it back.

The good news is, Lee's office has backpedaled furiously, and no such ban appears to be in the cards heading into this weekend's game, which means we can celebrate this clash of the titans the way God intended: Naked, screaming, and vaulting the hood of a flaming city bus. And should they change their minds again and take away your booze? Don't worry, San Fran. We've got you covered.

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