Everyone knows at least a few monsters from mythology, cartoons, or,
dare we say it, D&D. But where are the multiheaded, man-eating
creatures of today? Where can we find our modern gorgons, harpies, and orcs? They’re right in front of you – in the world of celebrity!
Created by mad old King Usher, this small, strange animal has the body of a boy but the head and voice of a ferret. Feared and ridiculed in equal measure, it is forever trapped in the labyrinth of its own confusing puberty.
A screeching beast that rears up from the dark depths of the dance floor to drag unsuspecting men to their doom below. Famously capable of swallowing a ship of pickles whole.
An unpredictable beast with the head and (always bare) torso of a man, but with the brains, charm, and impulse control of an angry rutting horse.
This spiky, brightly colored behemoth is so single-minded in its pursuit of off- the-hook chow, it doesn’t even need depth perception, evolving with just a single eye.
A voracious, multiheaded serpent that feeds on the souls of the slow and the easily amused. Virtually indestructible—ax one reality show and two more spring up in its place!
An unfeeling monster that manifests itself as a whirling vortex of greed, sucking down anything that crosses its path.
A sad, lonely creature so desperate for attention it will literally wear a wig made of live snakes or a dress made of meat just to make you look at it. Its biggest weapon is its music, which is so totally soulless it can transform the most joyful man to stone.
A fascinating evolution of the original phoenix, the Sheenix combusts spectacularly in a large, colorful explosion of publicity, but rather than rise from the ashes, it chooses instead to spiral ever lower into self-parody.
With an inane whinny, the inexplicable being known as Perezasus takes wing, positions itself above mankind, and proceeds to drop an endless torrent of horseshit into its eyes.
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