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Crappiest Haircuts Contest: the Winners

A little while back, we asked you to send us photos of your crappiest haircut for a chance to win a trip to L.A. and meet Conan O’Brien. The results made us laugh. Then they made us cry. Then they made us laugh again, while crying and trying to claw our own eyes out. People: no offense, but you have had some really crappy haircuts. Here, see for yourselves.

Enter our "Crappiest One-Night Stand" Contest Below For a Chance to Win a Motorola ATRIX 4G Smartphone! 

These haircuts were all terrible – they just weren’t quite the perfect storm of awful that was required to win (and for that, frankly, you should be grateful).

Clay Rosenberg

What do you get if you cross Elvis with a 70s porn star’s bush?

Chris Par

TGIF? Our motto is now TGWNC – Thank God We’re Not Chris.

Mario Carmona

Mario gave us a shot of him from both before and after his haircut. We’re, er – we’re not sure which one he was submitting for the title of “crappiest”, so we’re running both…

Mike Schmack

Mike wrote us a long email explaining that he, for some reason, requested a perm when he was 16, but then shaved the sides as well. He says he ended up looking like a cross between The Pet Shop Boys and Kramer. Mike: 10/10 for self-assessment, -7,000/10 for style decisions.

Ryan Adza

There’s something about the thick, luxuriant flow of this mullet that makes us slightly queasy. It’s where hipster meets redneck and makes grotesque, nauseating love on the bed of a pick-up while listening to Peter Bjorn and John.

Shane Hunt

Shane, unless this was taken in the 80s – and you were secretly in Duran Duran- there is just no excuse for this whatsoever.

Scott Sahle

Dude – what did you do? The Mohawk is supposed to be an aggressive, threatening haircut. What you’ve got there – if such a thing is possible – is an adorable, fluffy Mohawk that looks like it’s made out of old teddy bears. How did you fail so hard..?

Candace Rossvanes

This one downright scared the shit out of us. It’s like being haunted by the childhood ghost of Queen Elizabeth I.


William Fitts

Oh Will. We were so close to making you our winner, with your straggly mullet and carefully-combed side parting. But you look so damn happy about the whole situation, that we felt you needed to go away and think about what you’ve done just a little bit longer.

Deborah Abbott

This might not seem as bad as some of the others at first glance, but seriously, look at this haircut. This was no ironic or of-its-time crappy haircut: this was an assault. Deborah tells us that her friend gave her this do after assuring her she knew how to cut hair. Presumably, she didn’t emphasize the part where she only knew how to cut hair into the shape of a bird’s nest that’s just been shat out by a particularly angry pony, then picked up by a passing badger and worn as an amusing hat. Congratulations, Deborah: you’re off to L.A. to meet Conan. Just – please get a proper haircut before you go, ok?

Send Us Your Crappy One-Night Stand Stories For a Chance to Win a Motorola ATRIX 4G Smartphone! 

We’re giving away more awesome stuff! If you want to win one of three Motorola Atrix 4G phones from AT&T, send us your stories about one-night stands that went horribly wrong. Get arrested for public nudity? Wind up drunkenly sleeping with your best buddy’s mom? Accidentally throw up on some poor young lady’s head? We want to know about it!

Send your entries for Maxim’s Crappiest Contest to with “Crappiest One-Night Stand” in the subject line.


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