Our favorite weird (and wildly offensive) insults from all 7 continents.
Like most Americans, you probably spent a good deal of your school career learning how to humiliate friends and fellow students with words, gestures, and complex dance routines. But how can you apply this great life and career skill abroad? Well, we’re here to help with our favorite insults from all seven continents.
Me cago en el coño de tu madre
Translation: “I shit in your mother’s twat.”
If you’re going to end up in a Cuban reeducation camp it might as well be for a great reason, like, say, inferring that you defecate in vaginas, specifically someone’s mother’s vagina. Variations of shitting on or in mothers are pretty much popular in all Spanish-speaking countries.
Mon criss d’osti j’va t’peter la rondelle
Translation: “Fucker, I will fuck you in the ass.”
Literally, it translates to something more like, “My Christ and sacramental bread, I will break your puck.” But leave it to the Canadians to equate hockey pucks with buttholes.
Vai Chupar um Canavial de rôla
Translation: “Go suck a sugarcane plantation of dicks.”
When you adopt another country’s language (Portuguese), you can’t just import the insults directly. In this case, the dicks beings sucked reflect Brazilian culture, as they’re measured in sugar (a local crop) from a plantation (a popular system of agriculture in the New World). Really makes you think, huh?
Translation: “The devil fucked your mother.”
Guarani is the second official language of Paraguay and spoken in a few other South American countries. So if you want to sound like a cultured man of the world and get in a broken bottle fight in a place with no running water, you’ve got options.
Ananin amina beton dokerimde butun mahalle abaza kalir
Translation: “I will poor concrete in your mother’s pussy so the whole neighborhood will get horny.”
If you can pull this off, we’re pretty sure you win whatever the Turkish equivalent of the Medal of Honor is.
Ayri bi dameerak
Translation: “My dick in your conscience.”
Inserting your penis into someone’s internal monologue is metaphysically deep. Does it mean that every decision this person will ever make is informed by the presence of your dong buried deep in the thinking parts of his brain? Whoa.
Nide muchin shr ega da wukei
Translation: “Your mother is a big turtle.”
Let’s hope there’s Cantonese for, “Oh snap!”
Translation: “Cancerous whore.”
Cancer isn’t a sexually communicable disease—yet! Get on that, evil science!—so why a prostitute having cancer is anything but tragic, we don’t know. But adding “cancer” to most anything is a good way to curse if you find yourself in the Netherlands.
Cagati in mano e pigliate a schiaffi
Translation: “Shit in your hand and slap yourself.”
High-powered Italian business meetings are probably the most fun things in the world (next to balloon animals). That is if Italy had any high-powered businesses (Italian economy: you’re burnt!).
Translation: “Go ski into a twat.”
Hey, if your county’s main modes of transportation were dogsled and skiing, most of your insults would involve staying mobile in snow too.
Translation: “My dick on you.”
May we suggest you follow this up by plopping your boner directly on someone’s shoulder? That should work wonders for your being-alive status.
Jou ma naai vir snoek koppe
Translation: “Your mother fucks for fish heads.”
Hey, maybe fish heads are a rare delicacy and your mom is a high-class lady? Yeah, probably not.
The Penguin Empire
Queeeeeeeeerk [flap wings]
Translation: “I’m going to shove a mackerel up your dick and make a killer whale eat your dick off and spit your dick down your mouth so you’ll have to choke to death on your own dick”
Penguins do not screw around, y’all.
Hooray For Flag Day!
The 5 Craziest State Mottos