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Dumb Christmas Facts We Know!

A holiday where we get presents and guzzle boozy eggnog? We're in!


(Photo: Ghislain & Marie David de Lossy / Getty Images | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012)

- Last year the National Safety Council reported 40 U.S. deaths and 100 injuries due to Christmas tree fires. Safety tip: This holiday season, consider freebasing in the kitchen.

- There are 1.76 billion candy canes produced every year. Merry Christmas, America’s dentists!

- The real reason It’s a Wonderful Life used to get repeated every 10 minutes around the holidays? A clerical error in the mid-’70s allowed the film’s copyright to expire, so TV stations could show it without having to pay the usual royalties. A Supreme Court ruling has since halted the free sleigh ride.

- Jewish kids often try to convince their gentile pals that Hanukkah is just like having Christmas for eight nights in a row. No one buys it.

- On Christmas Eve in Belgium, it’s legal for children to throw bananas at police cars. The police, charmed by the playfulness of the young lads, respond by providing the kids with souvenir bullets—in the chest or head if they can get a clear shot.

- The term Xmas is not a contemporary attempt to secularize the holiday but an abbreviation devised by the church, based on the Greek letter chi, the first letter in Christ. Therefore, our copy of XXXMas Sluts 2: Coming Down Your Chimney is a triply blessed holy relic.

- The word mistletoe actually comes from the Anglo-Saxon term for “dung on a stick.” Forget the kiss—slide into fifth base!

- Poinsettias are not, as legend has it, poisonous. But you can still kill a guy with one if you bash in his skull with the pot.

- About 167 billion gallons of water are required to grow the 35 million Christmas trees slaughtered in America each year. That’s why Christmas trees in Ethiopia always look so shitty.

- Long known for its liberal social policies, Alabama became the first state to declare Christmas a legal holiday in 1836. But since this fact is primarily found in books, few Alabamans are aware of the honor.

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