User menu

Main menu

Funny

Dumbest Criminal Excuses

What’s worse: trying to steal a TV or having sex with your sister?


Photo: JARP / iStockPhoto | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012

A brother and sister were allegedly found in the bathroom of a Massachusetts sports bar Sunday night trying to steal a TV. However, according to the family duo, they were just sneaking away to get it on. We’re not sure if that’s entirely legal, either. Here are a handful of other ridiculous criminal excuses.

Kentucky Grill Chicken
Yesterday a Kentucky woman was charged with first-degree arson and attempted murder. She claimed she accidentally set fire to her house in her sleep, while she was dreaming about barbecue, which, if true, is absolutely terrifying.

Fashion Faux Pas
Actor Tom Sizemore was arrested after it was determined he used a prosthetic penis (the Whizzinator) to cheat on a urine drug test. The device was attached to his underwear and filled with clean urine; the only problem was that the clean urine was too cold to pass for the real thing. In court Sizemore claimed the underwear with the Whizzinator couldn’t possibly be his, saying “They’re Calvins. I wear Hilfigers.” Duh.

Holy Police Officer Batman!
A Philadelphia man allegedly attempted to steal an occupied car, only to find out the occupant was actually a plainclothes police officer. His excuse? Well, apparently he was a part of the Batman production team that was shooting intown and he tried to steal the car because the script called for it. That’s almost as believable as Winona Ryder stealing thousands of dollars worth of merchandise because she was ‘researching a role.’

Bad Art
In December 2006, Michael Stone, a Northern Irish loyalist and volunteer with the UDA, was arrested for attempting to enter the parliament building armed with an imitation gun, a knife, and eight explosives. In court he claimed that he wasn’t really planning to do damage to the building or endanger anyone, it was all an act of “performance art, replicating a terrorist attack.” Let’s see David Blaine try that stunt.

A Helpful Hoover
When a security guard stumbled upon a naked contractor getting intimate with the hose end of a vacuum, the contractor said he was just “cleaning” his underpants. Sounds reasonable enough.

Check out more absurdity here!
Or head over to the girls.