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Emergency Compliment Generator

Coddle your ego with (arguably) meaningful compliments from your computer.



If you've ever accidently lit your pants on fire while cooking, got turned down by the hot girl at the grocery store, or got so drunk you pissed in your neighbor’s garden, this one's for you. You can now shed your shame much faster thanks to the Emergency Compliment Generator.

The neon-colored flashcards (pictured above) reassure your greatness with a variety of random compliments you would never actually hear out in the real world. And they keep feeding them to you until you regain your self-esteem, at which point you click “Thanks! I feel better.” But then, as is always your fate in this cruel, cruel world, you’re broken down again when you’re taken to an e-commerce site, and discover that all of those compliments were just a pawn to get your money. Almost like that girl, who you met at that bar, who gave you those compliments, only to lure you into her bed. Except, you know, with a negative outcome. 

Still, in the wake of Hurricane Sandy, we'll take what we can get. So, here are some "compliments" that cheered us up this week:

1. Keep walking around naked, your neighbors like it.
2. You’re not crazy, they are 100% into you.
3. You don’t get drunk, you get superhuman.
4. They’ve never told you this, but your boss is really impressed by you.
5. Your sneezes sound like a chorus of angels giggling.

And here are a few of our own, which the Emergency Compliment Generator people are welcome to steal:

1. These hotties are thinking about you. All day long.
2. If the world does decide to end in December of 2012, at least you'll go out on top.
3. No matter what your mom says, you don’t have a drinking problem. 
4. You're one of an elite group of people who don't need lessons on how to make a sex tape, because you practically invented that shit!
5. You can still be the first of your friends to start using "Buster McThunderstick" as a euphemism for your genitalia. 

More funny, now.
TAKE ME TO THE GIRLS!