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Excerpts From Sarah Palin’s New Fitness Book

Find out how the former vice presidential candidate stays so slim (and sassy!) …yeah, we made these up. Obviously.

Everyone’s favorite former governor and running mate, Sarah Palin, is writing a new book about “sustenance anyone can enjoy” – because you have to look after yourself when you’re keeping an eye on those darn Ruskies. Here are a few excerpts we just totally made up right now.

Photo: Scott Harrison / Retna Ltd. | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012

On Diet
“The lamestream media wants you to believe you can’t eat Chick-Fil-A three meals a day. But you can’t spell ‘diabetes’ without ‘bet.’ And I love me several fried chicken sandwiches a day when I’m going moose hunting, you betcha!”  

On Fitness
“Basketball drills are a great way to stay lean and mean! I know that I do my best drilling when I’ve got a partner to shoot hoops with. Drill, baby, drill! That’s what I like to say when working out with my basketball buddies, whether they’re old friends or former professional basketball players whose names rhyme with ‘Blend Nice.’ Nobody knows better than my family, keeping off the pounds after dozens of pregnancies can be tough! So try to enroll yourself in a celebrity reality show that involves a lot of cardio.”

On Lifestyle
“Hunting wolves from the skies is a great, spiritually healthy way to bond with your family and your neighborhood helicopter pilots. Living a fit life is all about running across the border to get medication in Canada, not palling around with hippies and health nuts! See, it’s about family and jobs. When you create families, new jobs become the freedom America needs for maximum job creation. But if freedom in America is family job small businesses patriot America, has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?”

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