South Dakota's license plate reads, "Great Faces. Great Places." West Viginia's once said, "Almost Heaven." Time for some truth in advertising.

ALABAMA- "KEEPING IT IN THE FAMILY"

ALASKA- "MAKING THE BEST OF IT"

ARIZONA- "AMERICA'S MOST BEAUTIFUL FUTURE BEACHES"

ARKANSAS- "IF YOU LIVED HERE, YOU'D BE POOR BY NOW!"

CALIFORNIA- "JUST PICK OFF THE BURNT PARTS"

COLORADO- "HEY, WE GOT A BLACK GUY NOW"

CONNECTICUT- "WE WENT TO PREP SCHOOL WITH YOUR GRANDFATHER"

DELAWARE- "C'MON, YOU NEED US TO COMPLETE THE SET!"

FLORIDA- "YOU GOTTA DIE SOMEWHERE"

GEORGIA- "...SORRY ABOUT CRUNK"

HAWAII- "KEEPING AMERICA AT ARM'S LENGTH"

IDAHO- "LOTS OF BOISE. NOT MUCH GIRLSIE"

ILLINOIS- "LAST BAGELS BEFORE SAN FRANCISCO"

INDIANA- "SUPPLYING THE NBA WITH WHITE GUYS SINCE 1953!"

IOWA- "FLOOR IT!"

KANSAS- "INTELUHGENT DEZYNE"

KENTUCKY- "SOMETIMES WE JUST CRY"

LOUISIANA- "TITTIES!"

MAINE- "GODDAMMIT, NEW HAMPSIRE. QUIT THROWING YOUR FRISBEES OVER HERE"

MARYLAND- "YEP, STILL HERE!"

MASSACHUSETTS- "IT'S LIKE A CUTE LITTLE NEW YORK"

MICHIGAN- "YOU CAN'T GO BUST IF YOU NEVER GO BOOM!"

MINNESOTA- "COLD AS FUCK"

MISSISSIPPI- "IF YOU CAN READ THIS... COULD YOU TELL US WHAT IT SAYS?"

MISSOURI- "NEITHER HERE NOR THERE"

MONTANA- "ESCAPE 15 MILES PER HOUR FASTER!"

NEBRASKA- "YOU CAN'T GET FROM SOUTH DAKOTA TO KANSAS WITHOUT IT!"

NEVADA- "MORE TITTIES!"

NEW HAMPSHIRE- "IT'S THE ONE TO VISIT WHEN YOU'RE VISITING MORE THAN ONE"

NEW JERSEY- "BLAME YOUR FARTS ON US"

NEW MEXICO- "BEATS THE HELL OUT OF OLD MEXICO"

NEW YORK- "MALL OF AMERICA"

NORTH CAROLINA- "DO WE REALLY NEED TWO CAROLINAS?"

NORTH DAKOTA- "WE DON'T EVEN LIVE HERE"

OHIO- "FINE, HERE'S OUR LUNCH MONEY"

OKLAHOMA- "DID WE NEED TO TAKE ALL THE INDIANS' LAND?"

OREGON- "NEED ANYTHING PROTESTED?"

PENNSYLVANIA- "WEST VIRGINIA WITH CLEANER FINGERNAILS"

RHODE ISLAND- "WHERE EVERYBODY KNOWS YOUR NAME. BECAUSE THERE ARE SEVEN OF US"

SOUTH CAROLINA- "NORTH CAROLINA'S BFF"

SOUTH DAKOTA- "WHERE CANADIANS ESCAPE THE COLD"

TENNESSEE- "A MILLION ELVIS FANS CAN BE WRONG"

TEXAS- "NOW 30 PERCENT FATTER THAN PENNSYLVANIA"

UTAH- "MY OTHER CAR IS MY OTHER WIFE"

VERMONT- "IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT BEFORE, IT'S NEW TO YOU!"

VIRGINIA- "ONLY TECHNICALLY RELATED TO WEST VIRGINIA"

WASHINGTON- "© 2008 MICROSOFT"

WEST VIRGINIA- "DELIVERANCE WAS A DOCUMENTARY"

WISCONSIN- "WHEN THE CHEESE RUNS OUT, WE'LL EAT ILLINOIS"

WYOMING- "SEE YOU LATER!"