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Hooray for Old People!

September 12 is National Grandparents Day! Join us as we salute the world’s greatest gray-hairs.


Police were summoned to a Florida grocery store after witnesses saw an old woman driving around with her three-year-old granddaughter on the roof. The reckless granny insisted she was just letting the child have some fun. Now she faces charges of child abuse. Guess it’s back to playing with lame-ass blocks for the little tyke.


Sherry Johnston, grandmother to wiener jockey Levi’s off­spring, was charged with six felony counts of misconduct involving a “controlled substance” just days before the newest Palin popped out. She’s serving five years in the clink, which could be the best way ever to avoid diaper duty.


The family of an 86-year-old Nebraska granny was shocked when she was billed more than $1,000 for phone-sex calls. Suspecting identity theft, the family had the charges removed, but a week later a fresh bill for $71.49 arrived. Billing snafu, or was the old bird back to reaching out and touching herself? It’s OK if you want to vomit right now.


Seventy-six-year-old porn enthusiast Shigeo Tokuda is Japan’s oldest adult film star, acting in more than 300 pornos since making his debut 16 years ago. His red-hot hip-cracking films will soon be marketed to retirement homes, because, hey, old people need to have the good kinds of strokes, too.