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How to Convince Your Wife You Need a Corvette

Or anything else, for that matter.

It's February 15th, also known as the day after Valentine's Day, which means you probably have a freebie to do, say, or buy almost anything you want, because you were a rock star boyfriend/husband/friend with benefits last night. We suggest choosing the most ridiculous, extravagant thing she would never ordinarily agree to (threesome!), and then make your case the way Roy El-Rayes made his. Namely, via the world's most awesome Power Point presentation.

We're too stupid and hungover to figure out how to reproduce the slides in this post, but here's the full transcript. Read it and learn—you can thank us next week when you're enjoying your new 300-inch TV. Oh, and by the way, the importance of Slide 7 cannot be overemphasized.

Slide 1
I Would Like To Purchase A Corvette Tomorrow By Roy El-Rayes and kittens

Slide 2
No Way! Gas Savings: Currently I pay $350/month in gas for the jeep. The Corvette will cost at minimum, 2x less. Savings of $150/month in non-recoverable money. Way.

Slide 3
Cost: Total Corvette cost is $26,800 :/ Current Car Payment is $470/month. New Payment will be $610/month. That’s an increase in $140/month :[ BUT! Gas savings is $150/month Also I got a raise! Remember :/ It’s like $240+/month Also the term is for 4 years instead of 5 so it’s a bit higher to pay it off quicker.

Slide 4
Jeep Trade-in Value: We owe $18,200 on the jeep. Every dealership I’ve spoken to has offered me between $12,500 and $13,500. These guys are offering me $16,000! That’s a great trade-in value. They can offer that because they specialize in custom vehicles.

Slide 5
Resale Value: The same. Both cars are American icons. The Corvette I’m getting is the z06. At the time, it was the most fully loaded Corvette you could get - $65k price! Also remember from my last vette, I never wanted to sell it and I wouldn’t want to sell this one ever either. But family is first so I did (and the same would be for this one).

Slide 6
How can we find the money for it? My “fun” money will be drastically cut down to $150/month instead of $300. In January I didn’t spend any of it! Gas savings alone is $150! Insurance on the vette is cheaper than the Jeep The vette will be paid off sooner than the Jeep.

Slide 7
Your Butt: Is my favorite.

Slide 8
Also If you’re ok with me getting it, I will throw away the chair I am sitting on at the next bulk trash day.

Slide 9
How is it different from my old one? It has a fixed roof (can’t take it off) so it’s quieter. It’s faster (a lot faster) but you know I’m safe on the roads always. I’ve ridden a motorcycle for almost 7 years and haven’t had any accidents. It’s black instead of white. It’s 3 years newer.

Slide 10
How is it different from my old one? [series of pictures]

Slide 11
America: We live in America. This Corvette is made in Bowling Green, Kentucky. We visited it. It’s in America.

Slide 12
Conclusion: If it’s ok with you, I’d like to purchase it. You know I would never put us in a bad financial spot and if we couldn’t afford it, I wouldn’t touch it. I love you.

Slide 13

The World is Ending!
Varsity Girls