Christmas may be over, but the fun has just begun! (Maybe.)
Photo: iStockphoto.com | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2013
Someday We'll Laugh About This, 1/2-1/8
Start off the New Year the right way: By making really dumb mistakes and then laughing about them. Public indecency and moronic decisions are strongly encouraged during this annual, week-long celebration of idiocy, which, until now, we simply described as “the first week of January.” So, basically, just keep doing what you're doing, but skip the guilt.
Women in Blue Jeans, 1/16-1/17
We admit this is more of a conference than an actual holiday, but we hate to discriminate. Especially when it's dedicated to celebrating the rural women of America and their awesome blue jeans. Well, that, and other things - like education and networking opportunities - but we're really just caught up on the whole "women" and "blue jeans" part (for obvious reasons). During those 48 hours, we advise you to get out there and buy every girl you see wearing a pair of jeans a drink. Not only will you make a ton of hot, new friends, but you'll all be plastered in about 20 minutes. It's a win-win!
Meat Week, 1/26-2/1
Easily considered to be the best holiday of the month, Meat Week celebrates the one thing worth living for: slabs of hearty barbecued meat. Launched in 2005, the week-long event takes place in major cities across the country, and exists for the sole purpose of giving you an excuse to gorge with fellow BBQ lovers. So whether you like it fried, spicy, juicy, or still bleeding, stuff your face with as much meat as you want and embrace the unavoidable elastic waistbands to follow. It's a holiday, for Christ's sake!
National Kazoo Day, 1/28
Growing up, the only real reason to eat Rice Krispies cereal was the toy kazooo that came in the box. But shortly after ripping open the packaging and playing around with the plastic musical instrument, it was quickly confiscated by our parents. Because they had no clue what real talent was. Well, thanks to National Kazoo Day, it's your time to shine. Start up your own kazoo band! Head back to your childhood home and play a three-hour symphony for your ungrateful parents! Play on the street for money! The options are endless, but whatever you're doing on January 28th just make sure you're creating an original cacophony; being a kazoo hack is so last year.
Curmudgeons Day, 1/29
Look, we're not writers or whatever, so at first glance we had no idea what the fuck "curmudgeons" meant - but after picking up that huge dusty book known as Dictionary.com, we learned that we totally support this day of observance. Turns out that a curmudgeon is an ill-tempered, grumpy, complaining son-of-a-bitch, and while most days this is totally unacceptable according to the rest of the world, on January 29th it's a free-for-all. When the day rolls around, muster up all of your repressed complaints and rant away about how everything sucks. Fun!
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