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IKEA's Chocolate Cake Tastes Like Shit for a Horrifying Reason

 

According to health inspectors, that is. 



Those of you fortunate few who haven't been trapped in the endless, shuffling maze of an IKEA - the furniture mega-chain that was originally designed by God as a punishment for bad boyfriends - will probably be surprised to learn that they also have their own restaurant. It's pretty well known for its Swedish meatballs, which recently received a lot of attention after inspectors discovered that some of them were made with bits of horse meat. But don't worry - if you're one of the many unfortunate meatball eaters who happened to munch on a bit of mare, you'll be happy to know that horse meat is the least of your problems. Food inspectors in China discovered that the chain's Tarta Mork Choklad (that'll be "chocolate cake" to us) contained a strain of bacteria commonly found in human and animal feces, causing IKEA to pull the item from their stores' menus.

While this is gross, the brutal truth is, if you've got a strain of the poop virus floating around your gut because of this desert desecration, you've got no one to blame but yourself. Logic dictates that any place that charges its customers extra money to put together the furniture they just bought would also make its customers inspect their own food before eating it. Frankly, it's surprising that they don't make the customers cook their own meatballs or bake their own cake in the first place - possibly after selling them a chunk of Mr. Ed and a handful of fertilizer in a small plastic bag with cartoon assembly instructions. 

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