That sound you just heard was all the jocks you know tossing their creatine stashes.
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Remember being frustrated in your awkward, gangly teen days because big, strapping jocks got all the hot girls? Darwinian theory always suggested that, because women subconsciously equate masculine features such as heavy brows and square jaws with strong testosterone and immunity, the gorillas got all the girls, now matter how many episodes of Doctor Who you could quote verbatim while showing off your sweet nunchuck skills. But you’re in luck, skinny boys! The key word here is evolution, and new research says that women’s tastes, based largely on natural selection, are changing. Vinet Coetzee, a postdoctoral scientist at the University of Pretoria in South Africa, led a recent study where a group of heterosexual women overwhelmingly chose men based on their weight, and heavier men were considered less attractive.
Bingo! We always wondered how the hell certain lanky dudes were consistently pulling all those hotties. Now we know – it’s evolutionary science! Which explains the success of all the celebrity manorexic mack daddies, like Billy Bob Thornton, who seduced Angelina Jolie so well that she once wore a vial of his blood around her neck, despite him looking like a malnourished scarecrow. Or Wiz Khalifa, whose super-hot lady Amber Rose is already in her third trimester with Wiz’s son. Or Marc Anthony, whose time with the owner of the best badonkadonk in show business, Jennifer Lopez, absolutely baffled us until we read this research. Or Mick Jagger, who’s been making women around the world swoon for 50 years now, with his shirt off, birdcage and all. Or – okay, we know, we’ll stop now. Sorry, it seems we’ve been subconsciously working on this list for about 20 years. Anyway, we have to go now - we’re all off to Brooklyn to buy skinny jeans.
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