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It’s Official: We Can Now Control Other People’s Brains

So long as they’re hooked up to the Internet, that is.

According to this study conducted by the University of Washington, it is now possible to take over parts of another human’s brain. Before you get too excited, you should know that, after 10 years’ research and a setup that involves both parties wearing electrode-covered swim caps, hooked up via the Internet, the end result was limited to UW professor of computer science and engineering Rajesh Rao being able to briefly wiggle UW research assistant professor in psychology Andrea Stocco’s finger - so don’t plan on telepathically forcing your bank manager to empty the vault into the back of your pick-up just yet.

 

 

Still, if the study turns out to be repeatable, then it’s an amazing accomplishment. Describing the sensation of having his finger moved by someone else as being like an involuntary nervous tic, Stocco says he is excited to see if, for their next trick, they can get information to flow both ways between the brains. Just think of the possibilities! A drinking game where you and your buddy compete to see who can get the other to slap himself in the face! The ability for a couple to just make the other one get it right in bed, without any awkward, “But I thought you liked it when I did that?” conversations! The power to shut your friend’s stupid fat mouth when he brings up the time you pooped yourself at summer camp! The power to make your friend poop himself at summer camp! And, you know, actual, practical, science-y stuff that will benefit all of humanity, and not just jerks like us. All we want is an assurance that situations like this will never, ever happen:

 

 

For more science-y stuff, check out 5 Things You Should Know About Our Next Trip To The Moon, and 5 Things Your Dog Actually Likes About Watching TV.