Jokes

Q. What's the best thing about having an emo lawn?

Q. What's the best thing about having an emo lawn?A. You never have to mow-it cuts itself.

Senior Moment

An old man goes to a Social Security office to apply for benefits but forgets his ID. The social worker says, "Just unbutton your shirt."The old man complies, and the social worker says, "The gray...

Executive Porkilege

President Obama gets off a helicopter in front of the White House while carrying two piglets. A Marine guard salutes and says, "Nice pigs, sir."The president replies, "These are not pigs. They're...

Q. What sexual position guarantees the ugliest baby?

Q. What sexual position guarantees the ugliest baby?A. Go ask your mother.

Q. Did you ever date a midget?

Q. Did you ever date a midget?A. Yes, I was just nuts over her.

Q. What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?

Q. What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?A. Well-hung.

A girls puts an ad online requesting a man who won't hit her or leave her and is a great lover.A few days later her doorbell rings and she finds a man with no arms and no legs.He says to her, "I have...