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Last Chance: Best "Summer" Stuff

Summer sausage! Summer beer! Girls named Summer! Better get 'em while you still can.


Photo: Vladimir Piskunov/ Getty Images | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2013


Last Chance to...Eat Fresh-Grilled Summer Sausage
Does summer sausage even have anything to do with summer? Honestly, we don't know. We prefer not to see how the sausage is made, in the most literal sense. But when's the last time you saw a fat wheel of summer sausage cooking on the grill in the dead of winter? That's what we thought. Get thee to a barbecue, post-haste.


Last Chance to...Get Sloshed on Summer Beer
We're partial to Harpoon and Brooklyn, but whatever summer brew you fancy, time is running out to find it on tap (or anywhere, for that matter) until next year. We recommend a two-part solution: 1) Stockpile that shit. Go to Costco, or whatever beverage outlet is nearby, and snag as many cases as you're legally allowed to buy - which, this being America, is as many as you can fit in your car. 2) Go directly to your local pub and get sauced before they change out the kegs. (Note: Step one is not a prerequisite for step two, which we recommend doing either way.)

Last Chance to...Meet a Girl Named Summer
OK, yes, technically girls named Summer will always have that name. But it is very likely your last chance to meet a girl named Summer while she is dressed in summer attire and in search of a summer fling. Unless you live in California, in which case, stop.

Last Chance to...Punch Someone in the Face for Using "Summer" As a Verb
Imagine that a meteor was headed toward Earth, and the people in charge needed to determine the criteria for who would be allowed to go to the space colony, and who would have to face certain death here on Earth. Well, here's one way they could weed out some of the assholes: Anyone who uses "summer" as a verb - as in, "Where do you summer? We summer on Nantucket" - deserves to burn. But since there is no meteor, we'll have to settle for punching all these douchebags in the nuts. 


Also on Maxim.com:

2013 Back to School Gift Guide

5 Fictional Summer Camps That Should Fire Their Counselors