With guys like these, who needs girls?
Rocky 3 Beach Training Scene
The “Stairway to Heaven” of homoerotic movie moments also provides a great workout plan. Step One: Hit the beach for some cardio. Step Two: Hit the gym for some sparring. Step Three: Hit the ocean for a warm embrace from Carl Weathers.
Charles Barkley kisses Dick Bavetta
The sports world has always gotten a free pass for its tight pants and ass slaps, but the Dick Bavetta-Charles Barkley make-out session left little room for debate. After their 2007 NBA All-Star Weekend foot race, the Round Mound of Rebound sucked face with the liver-spotted ref on live television. Nothing says “good game” like a little tongue-wrestling. Bonus pic: Apparently, Ozzie Guillen agrees.
Bert and Ernie
Come on guys, you’re both too old to have a roommate. From the pillow talk to the bickering, these two puppets are like Balki and Larry without the language barrier. Whenever Ernie loses his rubber ducky, we all know where to check first. (Hint: It’s in Bert’s puppet hole—and not the one Jim Henson used.)
Every Boy Band Ever
Between the choreography and the matching outfits, it’s always been a mystery as to how these guys attract so many chicks. The names don’t paint such a manly picture, either: New Kids on the Block…Backstreet Boys…we didn’t look it up, but we’re pretty sure “Menudo” is Spanish for “snoodle.” The only boy band we could ever stand was Hanson, since it’s made up of three super hot chicks.
Lord of the Rings' Sam and Frodo
Most movie road trips are booze-fueled sex parties, but not for these hobbits. Instead of trying to pick-up hot freshman and score weed, Sam and Frodo spent their time away from home spooning in the moonlight. Sorry fellas, we’d rather hit the road with Willow.
David Beckham Comes to America
If this guy was supposed to save soccer, how come every time you Google his stats, you have to sort through pics of his package in an Armani ad to see how many goals he’s scored?
Every Tom Cruise Scene in Top Gun
…except maybe the ones with Kelly McGillis.
Don’t get us wrong, the UFC is a kick-ass boxing and wrestling spin-off—until one fighter drops the other to the mat. Just because every single one of these guys could beat the happy meal out of us, that doesn’t excuse them from spending half their fights dry-humping each other like lonely Oz cell mates.
Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest
Uncle Sam wants you…to choke on a hot dog. Every Fourth of July, gastroenthusiasts converge on Coney Island to watch as the world’s biggest competitive eaters race to cram wieners in their mouths. We’ll stop there.
This one’s probably pretty self explanatory.
George Michael “Faith” video
Knowing what we know now, this choice seems like a no brainer. But whether you want to admit it or not, back in ’87 you were jealous because your girlfriend, your sister, and your mother all wanted to bang the stubble off George Michael. Little did they know those tight jeans close-ups weren’t for the ladies.
Batman and Robin
The comic book and TV show always raised eyebrows, but the movie really put the pieces together. Judging by the erect nipples poking through George Clooney and Chris O’Donnell’s body armor, the Boy Wonder and the Dark Knight have more than a working relationship.
A-Rod kisses self, reputation good-bye
Any time you’re kissing a rod, you’re not going to come off as the manliest creature on the planet. So when you’re name is A-Rod and you’re kissing yourself and it’s in Details magazine? Sorry dude, you’ve earned those boos in the Bronx.
Larry Craig Rides His High Horse
This news clip catches the senator with a wide stance saying “nasty, bad, naughty boy” while discussing Bill Clinton. Either that or he was working on material for his next trip to the hopper.
The Jackass movies
Look, we love watching someone take a shot to the nuts as much as the next guy, but something went wrong when Knoxville’s boys hit the big screen. Every time we looked up at the theater, the crew was shoving something up their asses or chugging animal semen. Suddenly Steve-O in a leopard print thong seems like a ladies man.
Peter Griffin’s Chin
We love Family Guy. You love Family Guy. Anyone with a sense of humor loves Family Guy. That doesn’t mean that we’re all not a little lighter in the loafers after having to look at that scrotum hanging from Peter’s bottom lip for the last decade.
All we’re saying is, if this is what your boy watches when he’s little, don’t be surprised if he starts hanging Brian Boitano posters on his wall in high school.