Liberty Bell
Skip It: There are numerous reasons to visit Philly—eat a delicious cheese steak, make like Rocky and run the steps of the Art Museum, or just kick back and enjoy all the brotherly love. However, the small and disappointing Liberty Bell, despite its patriotic significance, is not one of those reasons.
Make it a must see: Turn it into a gong.
Plymouth Rock
Skip It: Tourists visiting Plymouth, Massachusetts are rewarded with two things: A glimpse at the ridiculously small hunk of granite our ancestors supposedly first stepped on and a seizure from enduring the locals' grating south shore accent.
Make it a must see: Replace the rock with the Pilgrims' far superior discovery, a honey glazed turkey, then serve that cooked up bird to famished, road-tripping tourists.
Niagara Falls
Skip it: Unless you're watching a barrel-boating human plunge over the rapids, these disappointingly low falls and the surrounding seedy town aren't worth your time.
Make it a must see: If your friends are razzing you for not getting laid in a long time, just tell them about the lovely lady you met at Niagara Falls. As in, "It's cool guys, I did it. Her name? Nah, you don't know her. We met at Niagara Falls. Anyway, moving along, you can stop making fun of me now, cause like I totally did it. Glad we cleared that up."
Seattle Space Needle
Skip it: It's a tower! No, a needle! It's a Space Needle! Actually, the kitschy Seattle Space Needle looks like Hannah-Barbara conjured it up when they were creating the Jetsons, only to inevitably throw out the shitty idea. Tourists who ascend the Needle's 500+ feet are rewarded with a cheesy rotating restaurant and a…wait for it, wait for it, gift shop!
Make it a must see: Turn it into an actual space rocket and launch the sucker to a galaxy far, far away from Seattle.
South of the Border
Skip it: After driving past a slew of billboards counting down the miles to mega roadside pit stop South of The Boarder, tourists are greeted by a cluster of gift shops, shitty restaurants, fireworks vendors, a porn retailer and countless pictures of the joint's stereotypical Mexican mascot. If this kitsch overload weren't enough, calorie satiated tourists have to get back on the road and drive through the rest of South Carolina.
Make it a must see: Change South Carolina's way too conservative prostitution laws and turn this bad boy into a brothel. 
Mt. Rushmore
Skip it: It's just a bunch of statues. Need another reason? It's in South Dakota. Another? There is still one more space on the rock face. Leading contender at the moment: Ronald Reagan. No, really.
Make it a must see: Put it in any other state that isn't South Dakota and maybe we'd consider going.
Hoover Dam
Skip It: We know you're partying with strippers and downing more martinis than Frank Sinatra at James Bond's house, but why not drive an hour and a half to go look at a fucking dam.
How to make it a must see: Blow it to crap and see what a bunch of water does.
Colonial Williamsburg, VA
Skip It: Isn't there a reason that we enjoy the luxuries of today's technology? Having someone churn their own butter, dip their own candles and ask you what your watch is just seems like we're going backwards.
How to make it a must see: Impress Colonial chicks with your fantastical futuristic buggy (your Nissan Sentra) and spread VD to the 1600s.
The Alamo
Skip It: Texans go totally mental for the Alamo, but do you really care about 187 men who waited to die in a fort for 12 days while a bunch of cholos shelled them with canons and muskets in the 1830s? We sure as crap don't.
How to make it a must see: Check out The Alamo Ozzy Osborne-style—by pissing on it.
St. Louis Arch
Skip It: Hey gang! Let's hop in a tiny egg and ride to the top of a retarded-looking structure to see the beautiful view of…um…St. Louis! Who's with me! I know we should be at the Annheuser Busch brewery putting back free Bud Lights, but let's do something stupid and pointless first!
How to make it a must see: If there were some golden arches at the top of this arch, we'd be there before you could say Big Mac Attack.
Hollywood Walk of Fame
Skip It: Going out of your way to meet someone you're a fan of is totally acceptable. Going out of your way to see someone's name printed on something is just sad. The fact some of those names include such illuminaries as Alejandro Fernandez, Rodney Bingenheimer, Theodore Bikel and David O. Selznik won't make it worth the walk to see Matt Damon.
How to make it a must see: Take the Hollywood Cab of Fame to a bar. Preferably during Happy Hour.
Cracker Barrel
Skip It: We all know white people love bland, flavorless food and pointless poorly-made "crafts", but do you really need to call it the "Cracker" Barrel? What happened to political correctness?
How to make it a must see: There's nothing you can do to make this barrel any fun. Hit up the Waffle House, Hooters or Hooters House instead.