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Prepping for the Apocalypse Like a Lunatic

Sorry dude, but if the world is ending, it won't matter that you have a massive ark, because you'll be dead.

Despite what real Mayans have said about the end of their calendar, the media and a handful of lunatics are convinced that the apocalypse is forthcoming, and they’re making sure they’re fully prepared for battle.

Lu Zhenghai is a prime example of said lunacy, prepping for mankind's impending doom by building a massive boat similar to Noah’s Ark. The man has spent nearly $160,000 (the entirety of his life’s savings) on the 65-foot boat, which will weigh 80-tons when it is completed. He explained that his reasoning behind building this thing was sparked by the fear that flood waters would ruin his current house. Uh, dude, while this is awesome, it's not going to save you if the world actually ends. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.

It gets worse. The people featured on TLC’s Livin’ For The Apocalypse make Zhenghai look sane, as they attempt to outsmart any kind of disaster and just wind up looking like fools. The madness includes children racing to dress for nuclear disaster (listen, kids, if this thing is coming, you’re not going to survive even if you do put on that fire-proof suit; haven’t you ever seen Dr. Strangelove?!), people seeking out hideouts in the middle of nowhere (next time, maybe don't bring a camera crew, dummy) and incessantly stocking up on canned foods and cleaning products (for the wiping up of zombie guts of course. You don’t need to be a complete slob just because it's a post-apocalyptic world!). Obviously, we can't help but watch and make fun of them, and wonder what they're going to do when nothing happens.

But just in case it does, we have everything we need—namely, a shit-ton of Jagermeister and some lukewarm beer.

That said, dude, please save room for us on your boat.

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