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Science Says That Boobs Can Help Make You Smarter

Who are we to argue with science?


Photo by David Falk/Getty Images

Literal twin givers of life, boobs are, perhaps, the most beneficial human body part we (or at least half of us) have. Those lovely lady lumps can: Reverse antibiotic resistance in bacteria; maybe kill HIV; teach us how to regrow body parts; and best of all, they just seem to be getting bigger! Scientists have even figured out how it would be possible to isolate and remove the gene that causes breast cancer, which is seriously just incredible. 

So is there even more good boob news? Yes! Thanks to a recent study out of the Boston Children’s Hospital, now we know that not only are nature’s most comfortable natural pillows good for our health, they’re making us smarter, too. Doctors conducting a long-term study on newborns determined that breastfed children had higher IQ scores than their formula-drinking peers. Since the natural historical norm is breastfeeding and not the manufactured infant formulas that have only been around since the 19th century, the real conclusion here may be that drinking fake boob juice makes babies dumber. But then, the good doctors at Boston Children’s Hospital probably didn’t want to get sued, and nor do we! That’s why we’re happy to say that infant formula is delicious and is proven to remove vile humors, relieve the vapors, and cure consumption. And it’s tasty, too, by God!


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