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Scientists Explain Why You’re Lazy

Good news – it’s your parents’ fault!

You know those horrible jerks who get up at 5am every day just to do two consecutive hours of Zumba? Turns out, it may not be your lack of will power, love of sleep, or predisposition to pound a crate of jelly donuts every morning that’s stopping you from doing the same – it’s your parents! More specifically, their sexual gametes! Even more specifically, their genetic material that fused together in a sweaty reproductive act we’re making you think about right now!

According to a recent study in the American Journal of Physiology: Regulatory, Integrative, and Comparative Physiology (you guys definitely didn’t get your doctorates in “how to name things not stupidly,” did you?), researchers were able to selectively breed “couch potato” and “super runner” rats. The science guys monitored which rodents opted for the most time on the exercise wheel, and which the least. For ten generations, the team then mated the active rats with each other, and the lazy rats with their fellow slobs, which revealed 36 genes that might predispose people to physical activity.

So what happens if you lack those genes? Well, these scientists think they may have proved that you can be inclined to laziness from birth, which hopefully means we can start putting toddlers on disability. Those crates of donuts don’t pay for themselves, people. 

Want more funny? Check out 6 Things That Look Like Poodles But Aren't and our interview with Tom Arnold

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