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Sexily Ever After

Sexily Ever After

Pay close attention to the wee wizard in the upcoming Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. Some folks—literary critics and evangelical Christians with nothing better to do—say Harry is a secret homosexual. He did, after all, live in a closet and hang out with fairies. But Harry Potter isn’t the only kid-lit character with something to hide. Read between the lines of these children’s tales to discover that the moral of the story is to get your freak on.

Where the Wild Things Are
Immoral of the story: Furry love. Boy puts on a wolf costume, then goes cruising to party with other furries.  Watch the fur fly!

Hansel and Gretel
Immoral of the story: Cannibalism. Old woman lures children to her home and fattens them up for her din-din. She could have done herself and the world a favor and just offed Andy Milonakis.

The Hardy Boys
Immoral of the story: Incest. Pirate coves weren’t the only thing these two cads explored in the middle of the night!

Sleeping Beauty
Immoral of the story: Necrophilia. A chick “sleeps” for 100 years? Most medical professionals would call that “dead.” Beauty wasn’t the only thing that rose after the pervert prince ¿planted a wet one on her.