This week we have a new sex goddess to answer your burning sex questions (actually, if you feel any burning you should go see a doctor). Who's better to answer your sex questions than a hot female who enters air sex competitions?
I'd like to have a threesome, but my girlfriend is a little apprehensive about it. What's the best way for me talk my girlfriend into trying it? Any advice for the "big event"?
Sara: Threesomes are complicated. Between managing the challenges of keeping everyone physically and emotionally satisfied, you could start to feel like you need a powerpoint organizational chart to navigate the situation. How to become the best threesome manager in the company? Communication, communication, and more gentle, sweet, loving, respectful communication. And alcohol. And possibly soft drugs. We all like to think that threesomes ‘just happen’ because that is what you see in the movies and hear about on college campuses. While I can’t speak for college kids today (‘kids today!’), I can tell you that in the real world, threesomes do not ‘just happen.’ Since you are a dude, asking a question to Maxim, I am just going to take a giant mental leap and assume you are speaking of a girl-girl-guy threesome (and not actually sharing your girl with another dude). Either way, you should do a little reconnaissance and see what kind of things turn your girl on. Has she ever had a girl-girl experience? Has she thought about it? What kind of girls would she find attractive? If you really want to have a good threesome experience and not lose your girlfriend in the process, you need to make it just as much about her pleasure as yours.
Once you have her thinking about it in a positive way, you also need to talk to her about her boundaries and expectations, and share your own. Maybe she is comfortable with you kissing another girl or touching another girl, but maybe she is uncomfortable with you having sex with another girl. The worst thing you can do is get into the situation without knowing each other’s boundaries and do something that hurts the other person. This goes for the third as well. Don’t forget, your third is a person with feelings and desires too. She doesn’t just exist to satisfy your fantasy. It’s a lot easier to ask ‘please’ than say ‘sorry.’ Since this is really your fantasy (as it is for about 90% of the male population), your girlfriend is really doing you a favor, so never forget that. Never push, never make her feel insecure, treat her as though she is granting you the biggest gift of your life, because she is. Oh, and an added benefit of this whole communication thing: hot talk about threesomes!
How can I convert my sex drive into productivity at work?
Sara: Aaaah, sublimation. How Freudian of you to be consciously asking about what your unconscious mind is already doing. Or your super-ego, or id, or something like that. The point is, Freud was a dirty old man, and he argued that sublimation of libido is at the heart of all human productivity. What that means is that even though we would all love to be running around having constant Neanderthal sex, we have to eat and take care of kids and stuff. So in order to have a working society, we redirect (sublimate) our sex drive into other things, like WORK. So there could be an argument made that the hornier you are naturally, the more productive you will be at work, if you are really good at sublimation. The flipside of this is if you are not so good at sublimation and you are so horny that you are spending your work time surfing porn and having IM sex with your girlfriend rather than doing the progress report (or whatever it is you are supposed to do at that computer). Not to mix metaphors (or social sciences), but you could just think of it this way: If the female of the species is more attracted to the strongest of the male species (which in American human culture means the more successful), then you are actually making yourself much more attractive to women and increasing your chances of quality lays by working harder and becoming more successful. So turn off the porn and get that progress report finished so the hot Maxim model (or even your own wife) will want to bang you!
A couple of times over the past few months, I haven't been able to finish during sex. I don't have a problem keeping it up, but I can't pass go. What's wrong with me?
Sara: Can you come when you masturbate? If not, then you might have a health problem that needs to be addressed. If you do come when you masturbate but not during sex, it seems clear that your problem is all in your head. We live in a culture that is constantly sending messages that make us feel like we aren’t living up to some ideal that is actually totally unreachable. Women know this because we always compare our bodies to the perfection on exhibit in magazines like Maxim. But men have pressures too. The stereotypes rampant in our culture teach us that women have lower libido and that men are unstoppable horndogs who can come no matter what else is going on. This pressure to come on command is actually really counterproductive to a healthy and satisfying sex life. Chances are, your car is stalling not because something is wrong with your engine, but because of larger, unrelated problems. Are you worried about your job, your relationship or other big issues in your life? Sometimes the way to solve a sexual problem is to actually find the root of the stress that is causing the sexual problem. For women, it’s not expected that we come every time, so we have learned to focus not so much on the orgasm but to just enjoy sex because it feels good. But for guys, you start feeling like a failure if you don’t come every time. Stop worrying so much about the goal, and start concentrating on enjoying the ride (pun intended). Once you stop putting so much pressure on yourself and just relax, you might find it easier to cross the finish line.
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