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Short Guys That Kick (Regular-Sized) Ass

The Hobbit has us thinking about these little guys who prove that size doesn’t matter.

The world is not easy an easy place for small people. They best stuff is always on the top shelf, and being face-level with farts is not the ideal way to spend a day. But when you get tiny lemons, it’s best to turn them into tiny lemonade. Just take a cue from these little dudes, who are not afraid to get waist-deep in the shit to get the results they want. Not that getting waist-deep is very difficult for them.

Bilbo Baggins

(Photo Courtesy of Warner Bros. Pictures)
 

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug hits theaters today, and famously features a giant dragon. It’s hard to get on his side, though, what with all the coveting of jewels and breathing of fire and generally being a huge dragon dick. The real hero of the story is the tiny Bilbo Baggins, who proves - by facing said dragon and getting his dwarven compatriots out of some extremely sticky situations - that even the littlest dudes can make it big.

Muggsy Bogues

(Photo: Andrew D. Bernstein / NBAE via Getty Images | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2013)
 

The shortest player to ever step foot on an NBA court (legally), Muggsy Bogues was not only a point guard who controlled the pace of the game and led his team all-time in assists; he was also able to log 39 blocks in his career, including one against a 7-foot Patrick Ewing. That’s a 1 foot, 9 inch shame differential that Ewing will have to carry for the rest of his gigantic life.

Danny DeVito

(Photo Courtesy of Joey L. / FX)
 

For his pint-size, DeVito carries one of the biggest Hollywood influences in town. With just a wave of his hand, he seems to make movies and shows appear and disappear. Not only that, he seems to mostly use his power for good, bringing to life It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia and Reno 911 before that. He also runs a side venture called The Blood Factory, which brings graphic and short horror films to the internet. He doesn’t survive in them often though – those little legs aren’t ideal for avoiding murdering lunatics.

Prince

(Photo: Bertrand Guay / AFP / Getty Images | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2013)
 

Lots has been made of the flamboyant pop star’s adventures in makeup, ass-less pants, and spandex, but this little man is a rock guitar heavyweight. For all the evidence that you need, just skip to the 3:30 mark of this George Harrison tribute and watch Prince stand next to guitar legends Tom Petty, Jeff Lynne, and Steve Winwood and absolutely shred every one of their old faces completely off for the entire second half of the song. Who knew that a guy who's only 5' 2" could rip for such a long time?

Dan Bova

(Photographed for Maxim by Colby Katz | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2013)
 

The big cheese at Maxim, editor in chief Dan Bova puts his little body on the line for your entertainment every day. From conquering the Tough Mudder, to being conquered by the court at Barclay’s, there is almost nothing this man won’t do for your sick pleasure. Wait, he did that too? Ok, there is literally nothing he won’t do, and that’s why we stand up and pledge our undying allegiance to him every morning (and also because it’s office policy). And if you think we're just saying that because he forced us to, you are incorrect. Though that was definitely part of it. Can we keep our jobs now, Dan?


Check out The 6 Coolest Fictional Frozen Dudes and our quiz: Can You Spot The Real Porn Award Nominees?