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Should've Listened To Barney

Could watching Barney and Friends stop you from trying to kill someone? Probably.

Patrick Leach, son of Barney and Friends' creator Sheryl Leach, was recently convicted of attempted murder after shooting his neighbor with a .45 handgun. The 49-year-old Malibu resident was apparently having an argument with his neighbor in the middle of their shared driveway when Leach whipped out a handgun and shot him in the chest. He then allegedly left the scene in a black SUV but was later stopped by police and arrested.

Now out on $1 million bail, we can't help but wonder how this guy got so fucked up as a result of hanging out with friendly purple dinosaurs his entire childhood. Actually, maybe we should rephrase: how did this guy manage to lead a normal life up until now after spending most of his childhood on a reality-driven acid trip?

That aside, if he'd caught a few episodes of the beloved children's show he would know that his actions were less than honorary. To help him along, we delved into the world of Barney to pull out three simple rules Leach should study, just in case he ever gets out of prison.

1. Love thy neighbor (actually, love everyone within a 35 mile radius of you).

2. When feeling aggressive, clap it out.

3. If you're having a bad day, make some s'mores to cheer you up; they're fucking delicious! (Snapping optional.)

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