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So, We Attended a Porn Star's Wedding...

By: 
Gerasimos Manolatos

There we were, tapping away at our keyboards in our Vegas hotel room, when an unexpected email popped into our inbox: "Invitation to Wedding of Eric John and Vicki Chase."

"Okay," we thought, "who the hell are these people?" We quickly Googled their names and were met with posters promising double penetration, back-of-the-bus anal and other mattress maneuvers we're still not sure how are performed. Yes, we were invited to a wedding. The wedding of two porn stars. And this is how it all went down...

Magic happened at Booth No. 4001 on January 7, right around 2:15 PM PST.  Attending the wedding of two porn stars has to rank somewhere in the neighborhood of "boning a French maid" and "going whitewater rafting" on one's bucket list. We were probably the most visible noobs of the industry amongst the gaggle of scantily-clad maids of honor (we're not complaining there) and way-too-smiley photographers. In case you need a primer of who attends a porn-star wedding, consult this infographic:



Now that we have the cast of characters down, let's meet the lovely couple.

Vicki Chase, formerly a bank teller and star of everyone's favorite teen drama This Ain’t Beverly Hills 90210 XXX. She is wearing white go-go boots with matching form-fitting T-shirt (we're guessing not by Vera Wang).

Eric John, former executive at Boeing (yes, the airplane company), and star of cinema classics like This Ain’t Happy Days XXX: Fonzie Loves Pinky and Not Monday Night Football XXX. He is wearing the traditional fare for a groom: black boots and jeans and a Hustler T-shirt.

Here comes the bride...


The bride and groom make their way to the Hustler arch located in the middle of the Hustler booth at the porn convention. Let's meet the minister...

We don't know his name, but for the duration of the ceremony, we swear he's the guy who plays The Observer on Fringe. (Observers are a mysterious race of humans present at all of humanity's major events—this one is right up there with the Gettysburg Address and the end of slavery.) UPDATE: This is the same guy who married Penn Jillette of Penn & Teller fame.


Paraphrasing: Do you, Eric John, take this woman, Vicki Chase, to be your lawfully wedded wife, meaning when you've got another chick in the cowgirl position in Grinding Nemo 2, you're actually thinking of her instead?

With the vows exchanged, they consummate their marriage...


...with a hug. Disappointment spreads among the photographers.


A photo of the lovely couple in front of a poster for "America's #1 Raunchy Porn Comedy"


The groom takes a photo with the bridesmaids and then proceeds to make out with the blonde on the right...five minutes after the wedding...at the altar.


The groom, bride, porn actor director Will Ryder, and some dude who looks like the bastard child of Breckin Meyer and Bushroot from Darkwing Duck.

And, of course, the cake, which ironically (or, appropriately) was made of plastic. By the way, dude-who-was-shooing-people-away-from-the-plastic-cake: Suck one.