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Social Media Explained (With High School Stereotypes)

Don’t know your Faceterest from your Twitblr? This’ll help you figure out which one to avoid in the cafeteria.

FACEBOOK

The girl who wears too much make up and perfume, and seems to always be running for Class President. Whenever the local newspaper does a story about the school, they always use a photograph of her, even if it’s a story about a janitors’ strike (despite all being shot in different places, she looks exactly the same in every one of them). She’s also secretly sleeping with the Gym teacher, but still can’t get higher than a ‘C’ in his class. If the school somehow collapsed into a sinkhole, she would be the sole survivor.

TWITTER

The annoying friend who never, ever shuts up. She considers herself to be the school’s most reliable source of news and jokes, even though she mostly just steals them from other people. Her only downtime was during a three-month stint of mono, and even then her mannerisms were loud and obnoxious. She functions on three hours of sleep a night, two of them with her eyes still open.

TUMBLR

The super-nice fat kid, who everyone likes. He holds a hug just a few beats too long and has a lot of girlfriends (that is, girls who are his friend). He’s the go-to guy to buy the beer for everyone because he looks twice his age and always pays.

REDDIT

The androgynous, standoffish, misunderstood dude, who has a girlfriend and a boyfriend (we think). He’s a closeted member of the Young Republicans and is deathly afraid of the sight of blood, despite always wearing vampire fangs on his canines.

GOOGLE PLUS

The foreign exchange student that nobody really talks too, but he’s really good at soccer. He never buttons his shirt past the midway point and has a 35-year-old girlfriend named Helen.

PINTEREST

The scary, clingy girl who cries a lot and will sleep with everyone after falling madly in love with each of them 20 minutes into the first date. She’s impossible to break up with and, because she’s on the track team, even harder to run away from.

LINKEDIN

The kid who’s younger than everyone else because he skipped two grades, doesn’t have a safety school and always plays like he didn’t do very well on the test, when he knows he aced it.  You don’t know whether you want to punch this kid in the throat or hug him. He’s already got a network of over 500+ contacts and is currently accepting emails at hisname-@-microsoft-dot-com

YOUTUBE

The pothead. It doesn’t matter if he’s watching a video of a guy slamming his balls into a skateboard or a documentary on child soldiers, his response will always just be “lol.” Eight times out of ten, he will still manage to spell this wrong.

Hilarity ensues here.
Hot girls can be found here.